Engraven In His Hands

This week has been another beautiful week. I'm in awe every time i sit and reflect, which is quite often. Tuesday we had our conference with Elder Nielsen. Holy smokes. I don't know how i got so lucky, but instead of speaking from the pulpit, he chose to stand next to me and basically rub my back (in a very sweet and non inappropriate way haha) and teach of from there. Man his eyes are powerful. He just stared at me, and extended such beautiful promises. It was something i needed. I've been really trying to learn more about covenants, so it was awesome when he told us that was his focus! i learned so so so much. President emphasized prayer. My prayers have been so unreal since. He challenged us to pray outloud from now on, in gratitude, with less focus on us and to imagine god right next to us. Now, im extending that challenge to you! DO IT! Sister stoker talked on love. In the story of ammon, it wasn't the truth or his power that converted the kings father, but the example of love ammon showed to the king. We need to love all people into this gospel. I remember someone telling me when i first got out, we were such different missionaries. He was all business, and me, love. I have seen so many miracles through adding my love to this area. My favorite thing is to never walk into a door or out of one, without telling and showing people my love for them. Their faces just lit right up. Its as if they have never been told that before.

 

Another thing im gaining a testimony on is singing. Holy smokes. We have sung to everyone we have come in contact with, and hearts are softening. We've gained new investigators from it (multiple just this week!) and members are being strengthened. I love that in those times i feel so weak physically, i can open my mouth and sing and the spirit comes and wraps his arms around everyone present.

 

One thing ive learned in my own personal study is from the verse in 1 Nephi 21:16 "Behold, i have engraven thee in the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me" i cant tell you how long ive been studying and praying to know what in the world walls means. but this time, my heart was humble and softened enough to listen to the promptings and learn. immediately my mind was impressed to look it up in the TG. many verses are listed under "walls" but i was led to two in Isaiah. Walls, it means Salvation. I then was then taken to deeper thought. My salvation is continually before him. I am engraven in his hands, because he atoned for me perfectly. He knows my path. His goal is for me to feel his palms, His goal is my Salvation, and that goal of his, and mine is continually on his mind. His prints are there to remind him of what i need to do to gain it, and he is continually before me creating that path for me. I LOVE learning about the doctrine in more depth.

 

So, miracles! First, i was able to go down to Massachusetts TWICE this week on a special counsel assignment with some sisters. I have gained so much love for the weary, and i have learned how much the Lord trusts us, especially the weary. He just wants us stronger.

 

Other Miracles included singing to some members friends who were anti meeting us before (there are two different people!) and after singing, both want us to come back!

 

Another miracle was saturday. I promised our district (there are 15 of us.... SO MANY ELDERS. and ten of them are in one ward!!!!) that i would make them bread. We had to go to the store for some service thing as well, so we went. I felt prompted to go to one lane, but sister a yelled GO TO ONE! so we went. We all looked over at the other lane though, gasped, then ran. Negandro, (the man from last week i think) was the cashier!!!! so we show up, and i boldy asked "hey. have your prayed?!?"  haha he said uhh.. no.... but don't worry. i committed him again! THENNNN as we were walking out, we here "bye sisters!" i turn around and see this man waving. i asked if he was a member and he said no, he just admires us and he can always spot us by how nice we dress. I asked him if we could come sing to him and he graciously accepted, THEN gave us a sweet referral. It reminded of me of a blessing i had, that as i am diligent, the lord will place people in my path. Its been a beautiful thing to see that promise continually fulfilled.

 

So let me tell you, another blessing i had before i came out told me that id work with a lot of special people. I have found them. Tammy, the sweet disabled girl is a challenge for her grandma, and so her grandma didnt come to church. She has since come every week! I sit next to tammy and take care of her during sacrament. I may miss a lot of whats being said, but the spirit i feel being with her surpasses. Theres also a deaf man named claude who is a recent convert. Im learnign ASL at a rapid pace, but not nearly fast enough to converse with him, but we speak the same language of LOVE! I love seeing his bright face and signing "i love you" to him. He tells me back, then i say "no! i really love you!" whenever he shakes me hand, our hands linger in a tight embrace. I admrie him so much for his beautiful blessing of not being able to communicate with everyone. He is so strong. It reminded me of Dallan, and so many others who rely on others to do simple things. The Lord certainly has chosen them all for a great purpose for which we know not.

 

I'm learning so much humility its a joke, Today we were going to go on a hike with all the elders. Last night we committed, but i really prayed to know the will of my father. I knew if i went, it might limit me later. When i woke up today i was in a lot of pain, and then of course, sharing our studies sister A talked about dc101:36-38. We then studied dilligence together, and scriptures it includes is not runnign faster then we have strength. I just started crying. The spirit surpassed, and i knew what i needed to do. It has been so hard accepting my limits. So hard. But i know i will be blessed.

 

One last thing, im officially a pro beat boxer (yes, i know i just told you im learning humility...) haha. car rides in our trio are probably the sweetest thing ever.

 

I love you all! this gospel is so true.

 

Sister Cloward

proverbs 3:5-6

 

PS CAPRI FUNK. i walked into presidents home this week and started DYING. YOUR WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT WAS ON HIS COUNTER!!!! ahhhhh i miss you and congrats this week! im expecting pictures!!

 my heritage! l to r sister caffall my grammie (who goes home in two weeks...) sister BUXTON MY MOM!!!! then sister mayle my sister.

 

 

We're known only by sisters "ab&c" or "the triple combination"

 

the view of west side manch.

this woman is absolutely crazy, and she has my heart. hahah

 

"Arizona Rub"

Everyone!!

 

It's been an incredible week. I don't even know where to begin! Maybe in chronological order?

So, first let me just talk about my senior couple companions, the Pettingill's and Skidmore's. Elder P tells me i'm just like his daughter, and I truly feel a fathers love from him. How in the world do I get so blessed to have so many fathers! But one thing that I am greatly learning from them and also president is what a pure love is like! What a celestial marriage will be like, and all that jazz. It's such a beautiful thing.

 

Another awesome miracle was Sunday. Holy smokes. First, Elder Gifford Nielsen and his beautiful wife Wendy came. We were able to just sit and talk with him for a moment, and he just sat and gave me the "Arizona rub" (its what the elders here have nicknamed president and the stokers rubs they give ha ha. Anyway, he is just an incredible man. I think the biggest thing that hit me was that I have been called to be a master teacher, that it is my job to teach people so that they can understand their agency and use it for good, and make it back home!

 

Another miracle was Sunday night! I felt super impressed to pack a book of Mormon and we went to go teach our Nepalize family. A 17 year old guy was there, and I asked him to tell me his story! he replied I gotta go, and I stopped him and said I was impressed to carry this, I think its for you. He took off, we started singing to the family (and sheesh the spirit was so strong, the parents don't speak English, and the mom Mani was crying!) we finish the song and there's a knock, with Liguandro at the door. he sat right down and said i'm so sorry for leaving, I felt like I needed to come back and listen. We asked some super inspired questions, and then the spirit took over. He said he felt god has abandoned him, and I testified and shared an experience I had my freshman year when for a moment I felt that too. His eyes never left mine. I testified that god doesn't leave or abandon us, we abandon him. After we asked how he felt when we sang and I testified. He told me my voice was so soothing and he never wanted me to stop, that he felt lie nothing else mattered but what I was saying. It was so awesome.

 

Well I am happy, because I know the Savior is before my face making and preparing my way in this journey of life.

 

I love you all! Sister Cloward

Connections...

Hello everyone!

It just blows my mind how fast weeks go by. Especially working in the office and in an area. I cant comprehend it. I dont think i want to either. God's time just amazes me, and i feel like im on it!

So, one of the biggest blessings ive had this week was going to a LA's home. The grandma takes care of her granddaughter because she is special needs. If there is one thing i miss about school, it would be my program and being able to work so closely with special needs people. I've felt so deprived lately, and seriously feel like a piece of my heart was missing. Well, when i saw this adorable little girl, i just melted and couldnt stop thanking Heavenly Father. He knew i needed her. She is such a joy to me. We were sharing our message, and i turned to her, grabbed her in my arms and looked her in the eyes and told her that she has a heavenly father, that he loves her so much and is so proud of her, and that she is His, and always will be. I promised her blessings, and just couldnt help but cry! I LOVE being able to feel a glimpse of that PURE love that our Heavenly Father has for us! We are HIS! We will always and forever be His. It doesnt matter what we do, we are His and he loves us to the end.

So, working in the office has its definite perks. Other than working so close to president and the AP's, i'm in the know all for all the secrets. President has a love and passion like no other for this work. I remember saying to him one time "Don't you ever feel stressed or get exhausted?!" He said "Yeah, but i just love this work! It makes me so happy!" His countenance is unreal. The only downside to the office, is you get nominated for things, like singing at zone conference FOR ELDER GIFFORD NIELSEN (EXCLAMATION POINT) if you didnt watch conference, you wont get that last part... But sheesh. What a task. im excited though! I feel like my voice has seriously progressed since being on a mission so lets pray it gets a lot better between now and next tuesday! He's also coming to our ward on Sunday, so im excited to here from him and be able to be guided by yet another man from God.

So, Becky has been on my mind a lot. I have many people praying for her here and im hoping to call the Boston temple tomorrow and get her on the prayer role here, as well as Dallan. Sometimes as a missionary i wish that everyone and everything would stay the same back at home, but that would just be limiting everyone from their God given potential. I know that despite the lasting effects of the accident, Becky will grow to a greater capacity. She will love, she will cherish, she will appreciate, and she will prosper in such greater ways. Her journey will be long and hard, pain will be her new companion, but i know she will not only be okay, she will be incredible. She will be happy. God has trusted her, Trent, and all the family with this huge trial. He trusts us! He trusts her! What a beautiful thing to know. She, and all of the fam are in my prayers. Mom, keep my posted on Dallan too. Remember that if he ever gets worse, you can call President and let me know!

Yesterday i heard the most amazing quote. I was fasting with such a fervent questions and purpose. It's no secret that im taking my mission transfer by transfer, and really moment by moment. I've been given the task to pray for what is best for me and my body. I was told i needed to be open real and honest, and let everyone know how bad things really are. So here we go. They're pretty bad. I feel so tired, so nauseated, so weak, migraines on the regular, and back pain like i have never felt before. It's safe to say it hurts worse than it did when i first broke it. Im falling a part. BUT! I AM SO HAPPY. I feel so much peace! I feel that all will truly be well. The quote "All will be alright in the end. If it isnt alright, it isnt the end" has seriously kept ringing in my ear. My body isnt alright right now, and so i know that it isnt the end! I was promised the gift of healing, and i know God doesnt lie. I love the peace i feel in each moment. I love the stong assurance that i just need to trust Him. His way will always be better, and i feel like i am gaining more and more trust! I love this journey im on. It is mine, and because of it others are being blessed too. I love being able to testify of the Atonement, and to promise people everything will be okay. We don't know whattomorrow brings, and i definately dont know what His plans are for me, but i know that if i just trust and do what i can, it doesnt matter, because it will be alright. It will be incredible. It will be perfect for me.

On a lighter note... so we sisters have 850 miles per month, and being the end of the month, we were down to small numbers with district meeting in the agenda and needing to take me to the office. it just wasnt going to work. so we call this crazy cute old lady who REALLLLLY  didnt want to take us but we begged and begged. We showed up and guess what. her car wouldnt start. So we drove half way, then decided to park the car and run. Yeah, the one day i wore my kitten heels. So we ran, and we ran, and we ran. In the freeeeezing cold, in heels, on the highway. It gave me a greater appreciation for Folora when she ran to her baptism! Man we couldnt stop laughing. Exact obedience brings miracles, and we were bound and determined to not go over our miles. At the end of the day, we had .2 left. Holllerrrr. Another crazy story is once upon a time we are eating at bishops house, when we get interrupted by a phone call. Nicole says "mom its karen amann" and it doenst even click with me. An hour later, we put it together! Thats only one of the 5 connections i have with this ward... Becky Cambells brother is in this ward too! Nutts how small the mormon world is.

Well, it's about that time i express my sappy love for you all. I love you people!!! This church is so true, because it is HIS. I love the order in it, and i love learning more and more about it each day. I hope you all are recognizing the blessings in your life as you grow more and more obedient to His will!

Loveeee
sister cloward

Unreal Miracles In New Hampshire

MY PEOPLE!!!!

 

Ready for an unreal miracle?! Saturday we had two baptisms for a woman named JAA (shes from south sudan) and another woman named F. That morning we went to F's home to teach her and make sure everything was all set for later that day. She assured us she had a ride, and that she would arrive at 1:30 for the baptism at 2:30. Well,2:30 roles around and JAA is there, but NO F. this woman is a rock. she has a crazy story about satan possessing her life. its nutts. but anyway, we call her phone and its disconnected. at 2:35 the words poured out of my mouth "we need to say a prayer" and let me reassure you, they were NOT my words. We three go and kneel in a corner, and i prayed that whatever was keeping her from arriving quickly would resolve. Five minutes later, F comes running in, mumbling "i ran. im so sorry im late but i ran" we couldnt help but start crying. the faith of this woman, her desire to be baptized so badly that she ran, in heels, in freezing cold weather, 5 miles. But the coolest part was that five minutes prior, as she was running, as we were praying, THE EXACT MINUTE WE PRAYED, an old friend of her saw her on the bridge running, stopped, and asked her if she was crazy and where she was going, told her to get in and that he would drop her off. The power of prayer, it's remarkable. It's real! It's just so powerful. Sunday they were both to be confirmed, and there was no sight of Joyce. They were about to continue on the meeting, when our Ward mission leader came running in with her and her kids. Man God has good timing. It just shows that satan IS powerful, BUT we are so much more powerful than him when we have faith. He tried all he could to get these two rocks to not be baptized and confirmed, but he failed. We are so powerful through our Savior. I love that.

 

So, i guess ill do all the updating on my new area and companions and mission life!

 

My area is the bedford 2 area, which covers bedford (very rich suburban area), west manchester (very ghetttoo), and goffstown (both extremes). i feel right at home. My companions are sister aeschbacher (ashbocker) and sister burton who is still in training. These sisters, my goodness. I have never laughed so much in my life, and felt the spirit to boldly teaching. We were unified the moment we were called together. Everyone thinks me and sister burton are twins, and all people just call us sisters "abc". we're quite the trifecta, and they are truly an answer to my prayers.

 

We have a lot of people we are seeing, mainly in the projects though. Manchester is a major melting pot. Between crazy mainers and here in mamchester with all the sudanese, nepalize, albanians, and others, i feel like i have the most foreign mission in the world. I love these people to death. They are teaching my so much about Christ just by their actions and love for the simplest things. They're also teaching me how to make bomb chow mein india style (they dont believe in "easy on the curry and chili powder") im in HEAVEN. These people are so obsessed with orange juice too. It's so cute. We show up to set up another appointment and they immediately make us sit down, and bring out a platter with three of their best china glasses filled with orange juice and by the time you are down to the bottom they are right back filling it up with more. They do NOT take no for an answer. All of them work at the lindor lindt factory too, and NONE of them like chocolates so we end up with bags and bags of truffles. Kill me. We cant resist.

 

As far as the office, it's incredible how much they bend over backwards for me, even the assistants. My heart is so full. It's also been a tender mercy recognizing that as much as they are blessing my life, im a blessing right back. They prayed me here, no joke. the staff is pretty new and they dont know much about computers, so its been incredible knowing that I AM needed here. The hours never are long, because i always have 5 tasks to do at once, and the spirit here is remarkable. I'm so loved and so blessed. I keep praying in so much gratitude for how happy i am, and how blessed i am. Every moment not spent in the office, out teaching, is much much more precious. I feel a greater power within me. I often reflect at the blessing P. stoker gave me about having shorter time spent out teaching, but being more powerful and productive in those short hours than in a normal missionary day. That blessing is being fulfilled. 

 

The weathers been getting much colder, and with that the pain has been more intense so there is still some learning that needs to be done. I feel the greatest thing i need to learn right now is humility, in the sense of asking for help, and not over doing things that i know will put me in more pain. THEY WONT EVEN LET ME SHRED PAPER in the office, because they can tell even just that puts me over. It's hard, so hard being told you cant do the simplest of things. Its a hard and huge ego blow, but putting that aside, it's a humility GROWTH. It's going to take some time learning this. It may just be one of the hardest things ill learn, but im recognizing this pain isnt going away, and so i need to do my part in helping it. I can't get frustrated when i simply can't go on, but instead i can be grateful that i have incredible companions to help me. I can't feel bad if im inconveniencing people, but instead recognize they will be blessed. It's hard, but i know part of what im learning on a mission is recognizing these things and learning humility in this such way, because EVENTUALLY i'll become a wife, a mother, and have a career that will need me to already know these things. I guess im just grateful i have the ability to learn this. It really is a beautiful thing to continue to learn.

 

I almost forgot to mention! While working in the office, i hear this quiet "hi". i turn around, and oh my goodness i wish i could see my face. MONYA AND ERIK WILLIAMS. i love you two! I was so so so confused and was just in shock. My mind kept thinking "okay that cant be them. im in new hampshire right? thats not them. no that is. what is going on?!" haha. Monya came up and gave me a huge and said "you're shaking". Just another tender mercy. I am so grateful for the love these two have for me, their savior, and each other, and missionary work. You two brought extra strength i needed. And thank you dad for the beautiful roses! Im still in shock that you two came out of your way to come see me. I love you both so much, and will always cherish the moments we spent here in the beautiful New England!

 

I honestly could go on and on and on, but i want to end with my testimony on faith. When we have faith and believe, no thing is ever impossible. I love you all! thank you for believing in me!

 

Sister Cloward

this woman is amazing. we are her fourth round of sisters, and soon to be the last (as far as im concerned). she has had many struggles and trials. i opened up a little bit about how pain is sometimes our companion until we pass, and the beauty that comes from it. She went and got me this shell, that is so beautiful, but has many scratches and brown spots amongst the mother of pearl. She told me to always remember the beauty is there, even when there's speck of brown.

 

you know your a good missionary when.... you baptismal records are carelessly thrown in the car under an open water bottle... whoops! good thing im the one who enters in the baptism info at the office right?

 

nevi. isnt he the cutest sudanese boy in the world?!

I Believe, I Trust, I Know... So long Augusta, Maine

 October 21, 2013

Hello All!

 

What a week. There's been tender mercies and miracles up the wazoo here in Augusta, and so many tears shed, along with Lobstah, lots of men giving me their numbers (creeeeeeepers), and so many hugs and kisses (from old grandmas of course). Who knew leaving an area would be so hard. Yesterday we sang "God be with you till we meet again" as a quartet (us missionaries) and had the congregation join in for the third. Yeah, everyone was bawling. We 4 augustar missionaries really got close to this ward, but i had the most overwhelming sense of peace that this isn't goodbye, There will be a glorious reunion in the Celestial Kingdom for sure. Sister Wray's had the hardest time of us all. She's staying here along with Elder Flake and both will be getting Senior Companions. All I know is this area is going to just flourish. She really is finding her place and is such a powerful missionary. I've been blessed to learn so much from her. I feel like when you train, the trainer really learns the most, not the trainee.

 

One thing I've learned this week is the meaning of the scripture "i will go before your face..." The Lord isn't just standing in front of us, He has already walked the path, and is now walking it again a few steps ahead of us. He is preparing blessings right before our face, we just need to have faith and walk towards the unknown and believe they are there awaiting us, because they are. I can't even explain the feelings I have as I leave Augusta, and head to the mission office. Every natural part of me wants to feel like "you didn't come here to serve in an office" and that this will be the hardest transition... but instead i just feel peace. YES it's going to be so hard. It's going to take some time to adjust, but the Lord has already walked my path through there and blessings, blessings far in excess than I can imagine are just waiting for me. This is a time for faith, not fear. This is a time for trust, not doubt. This is a time for me to grow even more, to impact the people of New England in a new way. I believe He is placing me here because this is where I will impact the most people i can in the next 6 weeks. There's a purpose for all. I just need to be believing, and I am. Doesn't mean it won't be hard or that the pain will go away, but I believe, I trust, and I know all will be well. Sometimes that's all we need to know before moving forward.

 

My only goal in the Augusta area was to leave it with Christ's imprint more so then when I found it. I think of my patriarchal blessing when it says "you have a great ability to love people, and to have them love you" today in my studies i read 3 Nephi 10 and just asked "dear Savior, what is it like to be thee Savior?" I had the overwhelming sensation of the spirit, and the words came "love. what it's like to be the Savior is to love". My purpose has been complete. I love these people with all of my heart, and I know I am loved right back. I take no credit, for the Lord has blessed me with this gift. Charity is just unreal.

 

As of tomorrow i'll no longer be a Mainer. Sad day. I so fit with these crazy people. It's pretty awesome. I feel right at home. They are just the biggest teddy bears and lovers and givers in the world, with a twist of insanity. I LOVE IT. I loveeeeee MAINE.

 

Well people, wherever you are, i hope you realize how loved you are by your Heavenly Father, your Savior, and by me. Not one prayer of yours goes unfelt by me, and not one person goes unprayed for by me! I love you all!

 

Sister Cloward

Jenna!!! We just committed her to baptism! She's a sweetie. She has every odd against her, but through the Lord all things are possible, so keep her in your prayers people!!

 

Ohhh Richard... he works at the Subway Bishop Owen of the Gardiner (gardnah) ward. yes, I have had free Subway every Monday for 6 months. never again. Anways, he insisted we come over to meet Charlie his cat. I wish you could see where his other hand is... AWKWARD. He's super awesome though. He gave me his address and email and number so you better believe i'm gonna convert him from Bedford next transfer!

 

these women. their impact on me will never ever ever be forgotten.  

Birthdays and Transfers...Will miss these crazy Mainers

October 14, 2013

Hey all!

 

I'm seriously at a loss of words. This week has been everything in one. Monday, we had an exchange and I was down in Damariscotta with sister lundahl. We had a pretty sweet miracle. We found and taught a woman named Arneze. She's nuts but then again every mainer is. Our lesson was so incredible. We taught the Restoration, and the whole time she just kept saying "this seems so right. yes, this seems so right. ive been praying that you would come. ive been praying for this message. I've met the JW's, the Pentecostals, all sorts... but your message is so right." We then got interrupted by a knock on the door. Who was it you ask? Oh... just the town sheriff and detective. My mind was going nuts thinking "shoot. your kidding. do not even tell me we are about to get pulled to the sheriffs office." Well, im grateful to say I did not end up in the slammer, rather some crazy mainer decided he really wanted some money so he stole a car and ran it into the hannafords atm (grocery store) got the truck stuck, then took off on foot. silly silly people... Needless to say my Tuesday was good.

 

WEDNESDAY. ahhhh. so, I guess my body was super tired or something, cause I slept through my alarm (remember how im the lightest sleeper in the world?!?!) and was woken up to a phone call from sister stoker. she told me happy birthday, and that im officially an adult. who wants to hear that?!?! haha she meant well. Then, when getting ready, the medicine cabinet decided it wanted to break and all the shelves came crashing down and liquid was splashing all over me. All I could do was laugh. Our next adventure was to go eat. We went to Water street in Hallowell (super liberal, and a very very same sex centered place) so I just walked into a door, and naturally the 21 year old in me was led to a pub. yep, we walked into the liberal cup pub. we quickly walked out hahah. After, the only person I decided I HAD to see was Ken. He has been MIA so I was praying for a miracle that hed be at his sisters house. We pulled up, asked Dick if he was home, and HE WAS. I spent the next hour in tears. I wish I could just describe how much I love Ken. It'sa love I have never felt before. Ken quietly told me that he just had two surgeries. One, believe it or not was almost identical to mine. Cadaver bone, rods, and a fusion. Only difference is he had one fused, and he didn't brake his bones. He then said that while taking care of that, they found cancer. He is such a fighter. He is such a strength to me. I found myself soon on my knees praying my heart out that God would give me some of his pain. I pleaded and pleaded to give me his licken I find it no coincidence that my back pain has been a lot worse ever since.

 

Thursday we had a pretty inspirational stop by. A members name came to my mind, we went, and she really opened up about how she is having a hard time. She prayed and told Heavenly Father she couldn't handle the pain anymore, to which the words came "my daughter, if your Savior asked you to take this pain so that He wouldn't have to bare so much, would you?" I knew immediately I needed to hear that. Her strength is unreal. She also made a comment "sometimes Heavenly Father just waits for us to outwardly accept a trial, and then it is taken from us". I sure love my Father.

 

Friday, we went and met with our Ward Mission leader. Well, that was an epic fail.

 

Saturday we had lunch with two of my favorite people. Hattie and Sue. They aren't even in my ward.... hahah. We are pretty loved here.

 

Sunday was a beautiful day. It was a day of change, a day of humility, and a day where the Savior took on a lot of my pains. We were in our meeting with bishop, where he made a comment "sister cloward are you okay? your eyes say it all" I got super frustrated. I had a migraine, but I was happy. I started letting my mind think about all the times I have gotten that comment, and I got even more frustrated. im happy people! why cant they see that? then I was super humbled. I got on my knees, and did a lot of talking with my Father. I realized I need to just be grateful. I need to stop asking, stop expecting, and just be grateful. its amazing how quickly your countenance can change when you are just grateful. I told heavenly father that I was going to rest for a few minutes, but that I wanted to still go out and work. we made a pretty sweet deal. ill go out and work, and be more grateful, and asked Him if He would see me through. We went to our first stop, and the moment I walked in my migraine lifted. we left, it came back. we got to our next apt, it lifted, left, it came back. next apt, it went away, so on so forth. Woweeee. He is so there for us.

 

Well, President called me this week and told me next transfer he feels strongly I need to be in the office. I had the prompting that day to ask him where he felt I was needed, if there was a companion who needed to be strengthened, if there was an area that needed my help. He called, and answered my question without even asking. I keep getting the prompting I will be surprised at the impact and work I will do in the office. Heavenly Father is certainly blessing me. Im learning to let go and just take things moments at a time. Im pretty stoked cause Elder Gifford Nielsen (the baller 70 who spoke on missionary work in conference) is coming to our mission, and I be in the office to greet him first. so spoiled. Ill be in a trio with Bedford so ill have the ability to go out and teach and find whenever I want. He's taking care of me.

 

One thing I liked in my studies this week was 3 nephi 3: 20-21 I believe. the Gadianton robbers are threatening the nephites. Lachoneus gathers the woman children and people, and fortifies their city. in 20, the nephties want to go out and fight them, but gidgiddoni basically tells them they are foolish, and to wait. We know there is danger, we know satan is out there, but that does not mean we need to go out and pick a fight with him. We need to prepare, fortify our testimonies, and be ready so that when he does come and try us and tempt us, we will be ready and able to overcome. I love that. The scriptures are so true! I love them with all my heart.

 

 

I love you all! thank you for all the birthday love, packages, prayers, strength, and support you give me. I will forever be grateful for the support I feel. THIS CHURCH IS SO TRUE, and I am so grateful the Lord has chosen me to serve Him! So so happy!

 

Sister Cloward

Giving My All

Dear ALL!

 

My heart is oh so full. I don't think Heavenly Father could possibly pour in any more love in it. One of the greatest things i have come to learn on this mission, is my worth and the love that is mine. I have so much confidence, not in myself, but in my God. I know He is shaping me. I know I am His, and I am in His care, even in His arms. I feel them constantly around me. I feel my hand constantly being gently pulled forward. I hear His constant whispers that He is proud of me, He loves me, He is helping me, and His angels are all around. I hear Him telling me of my beauty, that each day i am becoming even more beautiful, and that He is grateful that i am the means in helping others become more beautiful. I am constantly made aware of the knowledge that His will will come about, if i continually give Him my heart. My potential is great. My worth is divine. My beauty is pure. My love, is simple but yet so profoundly strong. The Lord is shaping me, and though it is one rough process, i keep telling him "shape on!" I marvel at who He is ALLOWING me to become. I marvel at the growth that has taken place within a short 6 months. I am so in debt to my maker it's unreal. Even when i feel i have little to give, i know He is proud of what i am giving. I loved what David Bednar shared about the widows mite. I pray that continually, i am the widow. I do not have an abundance of strength to give. I do not have an abundance of really anything to give. But, i am giving my all and I know Heavenly Father is aware of that. I'm giving every last bit i have to give every moment i can, and for that, He is blessing me with the ability to continually give and never run out.

 

So, did anyone feel a trend in conference? This morning in comp study i asked sister wray "sooo.. whatd you feel hounded in conference about?" "i feel like i need to go home and get married and have kids" "yeah, me too". we went back in our notes and seriously in like 8 different speakers we have written "being a mom is more important than anything in the world" oh the laughs. in due time heavenly father, in due time.

 

Another thing i felt impressed my mind a lot was my covenants. they are so so incredible. im basically going to spend the next week studying and understanding them more. which brings to another thing we heard a lot. Search, study, pray, fast, THEN ask. How often do we skip some of these steps and just expect our father to tell us? I learned this week that Heavenly Father stays silent for a reason. It's because some of our greatest growth comes from making our own decisions. He trusts us to, and if we make the wrong one, He'll speak up. We must always do our part and never expect Him to do it all. I love that. I love that we hold such a great responsibility.

 

Well, This gospel is just so beautiful. My heart is so full. I don't know where my journey on this earth will lead me, but one thing i am sure of, my path is steady and my guide is reliable. I have complete trust in my Master, and His will, i pray, will be done.

 

I love my Lord, He is my all.

 

Sister Cloward