Borrowed Strength

August 26, 2013

Mom, SO not fair for making me cry like a baby in a national public library. I know i am so loved by you, and i feel your prayers. I truly truly do!

 

This week has been insane. We are so so busy all of the time. In weekly planning, we basically have to put some of our appointments and people to stop and see in the next week because we truly have ZERO time. It is one of the greatest tender mercies ever. The poor elders.... They tract 3 hours a day at least, so we have given them a couple of our investigators and some of our area in Chelsea to tract. They are getting pretty down on themselves, because they feel like they have no success when it comes to numbers whereas us sisters make up our districts numbers. I learned a hard principle last transfer. It is NOT about the numbers. It is about trying. So, to all of you prospect elders and sisters. Learn that now. If you give your all, that is all that matters. The Lord recognizes our efforts and He will bless us accordingly whether it be with people to teach, or in some other way. It doesn't matter. We just need to do what we can to our best abilities.

 

This week is also going to be another insane one. We are booked to the brim and will have to do a lot of our work over the phone when we are traveling in between. I'm a stress case when i feel overwhelmed with all that needs to get done, but surprisingly i have not reached my limit yet! The Lord is seriously watching out for me. We have our big fair booth this Saturday. Our booth is the FIRST one in the main entrance gate... where at least 55,000 people are expected to walk in by. Can you say miracles? The whole story of how we ended up with the booth.... and how we got our location is a miracle itself. We have recruited our ward members and about 20 other missionaries to come help us from the area. The work is hastening and it is incredible to see the Lords hand so intricately in all the work.

 

One miracle from this week was yesterday. All i wanted to do was crawl in bed and cut off my head and stomach, but we just had so much to do. I got on my knees, prayed for Heavenly Father to lend me some of his strength, ended my prayer and not a moment after i opened my eyes i felt His strength enter into my body. My head was manageable, i started to think clearly, and i wasn't as nauseated. We went into our first lesson, and it went unreal. The spirit was so present, and Cassie was thanking us the whole time. (It was our first lesson with her). Our next lesson went the same. We read 3 Nephi 18 when Christ was instituting the Sacrament, and i gained so many new and interesting insights, one of them being when Christ mentioned He was going to finish up, and then He had to go so He could finish up the commandments God gave him. Jesus became so much more personal to me in that moment. He too has a purpose and commandments that He must fulfill. His life isn't just one that is a "i'll just do whatever because i am perfect" His life has been guided and our father still has things for Him to accomplish. Sure we all have the 12 commandments, but we also have our own commandments God gives us each and every day personally and so does Jesus. I don't think im making my brain clear, but just know I love Jesus. He is sure great. We had a member with us, and she testified on one of the verses. I remember thinking oh, that's a lovely verse and then my mind carried on. Later, we were at a meal appointment and the wife was telling us about how she has been struggling recognizing if she is getting answers. We then left a blessing on their home, and in the prayer my mind was taken to that verse that Sister Harrington had pointed out. We said amen, and then i quickly turned the pages to that verse and read it to them. I am so grateful for the spirit. I am grateful that Sister Harrington was in tune enough to open her mouth about that verse so that i could share it with someone who needed it at that time. The Lord DOES work in mysterious ways, but not matter how He works, He always makes sure His will will come about.

 

I love this work. I have never been so happy in my life. I reflect on each day and am amazed at how crazy my life is each day. I reflect on my physical health and am just left in shock at how much borrowed strength i have. The Lord has a plan for me to fulfill, and i know He would never just leave me hanging, trying to figure out how to accomplish the impossible on my own. He makes all things possible, even if we don't see a way right then. We just have to rely on our faith that His will will be made known, and the how in all of it will come about too. I am grateful once again that my Savior has chosen me to be His representative in Chelsea, Augusta,and Windsor Maine. I am one blessed girl. Life is so dang hard and every moment has its own battles, but i promise, if we seek the blessings and the beauty in all the hard things, we will find them. They will be clear.

 

Love,

Sister Cloward

The woman in the middle is one of my favorite ladies ever. her name is maria austin, and she is the most selfless woman in the world.

the view of augusta from the old criminally insane unit grounds!

 

 

i chopped my hair. and i love this woman. great day.

sister casorie has a "cm punk" obsession. i dont think i have ever laughed so hard in my life than on this night.

 

andddd another picture from the criminally insane grounds. creepiest place ever. oh maine...

Mangled and Bruised

Dearest Everyone!

 

Where do i even begin... All i know is time doesn't exist. It seriously does not exist when you are serving the Lord. Sometimes i feel like i am on His time. I must be... cause it just goes and goes. I am grateful for that tender mercy, and also not so happy about it either.

 

Mom, you want to know more about my companion eh?? Sister Wray and i are very much alike, and so opposite. She is stubborn, she is strong, she is bold, she is beautiful, she so dang quiet and she is hurting. So now, i am going to plead with you all. Please pray for her. Sister Wray dealt with an addiction for many many many years. She has been beated down and she truly feels like she is broken. Yesterday we were coordinating with the elders and she just lost it and asked for a blessing. Afterwards she opened up a great deal more on so many things that have happened in her life. All i could do was listen, and pray. She was the only thing stopping me from forcing her in the car and taking the 3 hour drive to our mission home so she could get a blessing from President Stoker. Ahhh my heart just aches. BUT. Her strength is unreal. She truly is like one step behind me in life on this mission. I learned last transfer that i am not superwoman. I learned i do have limitations, and that those limitations need to be addressed, which then allowed me humility. She is learning that humility right now, but unfortunately her wounds may take a lot longer to heal. It's been one of those surreal situations watching someone brake and seeing the Atonement SO PRESENT. I am so blessed to be HER companion. We are quite the companionship and oh how i love her. One thing that Heavenly Father has helped me understand is that the greatest missionary work i am doing right now is that of strengthening. I am a sower, and who cares if i never reap. I am a garndener, nourishing members and my companions. Each time before i knew my companion, my mission president has called me to tell me that the Lord is placing someone in my care, who needs ME. I wish i could express how i feel, how grateful i am that the Lord trusts me to strengthen not only the weak, but TO STRENGTHEN THE STRONG. I know i am a blessed daughter of God, for it is so visible in my life.

 

We had our zone conference this past week, and what President Stoker emphasized was working with members, and getting to know our members. Asking them questions about them, and really allowing them to be our best friends. Through that, we gain their trust and we gain the ability to strengthen them and for them to see their purpose and the importance of missionary work and boy does it work. After the broadcast about member missionarys, our ward in augusta is the only ward who is actively doing those things, and i can boldly say that is because we are taking the time to get to know the members. They are seriously my brothers and sisters, and my mom and dads! One of our members refers to his wife as "mom" for me, how great is that haha. Ah i just love this area. President Stoker is one inspired man, i can tell you that.

 

Another thing that has really touched me this week is the ability we have to make any place holy. We are asked to stand in holy places at ALL times, so of course Heavenly Father will provide a way for us to do so. That is simply done by us being an example everywhere. It is done by having a prayer in our heart everywhere. It is done by reading, serving, and being a disciple at all times and in all places. Choose to make your homes, your apartments, your cars, your work space, your classrooms, everywhere to be holy. Stand with Christ everywhere, and i know and promise blessings will pour.

 

So Ken, mom. you HAD to ask about him. My pour heart cant even take it. I havent seen him at all this week. He is "all set" right now. Did you ever get a letter from him? He wont tell me what he is saying to you... but i am super curious to know. Send me a copy of the letter please!!

 

Eliza is seriously incredible. She calls once a day to ask us questions, and is always asking us how we study and how she can be more effective in it. UHHH what? Our last lesson was a little distracting because jon one of the guys in the mental institution was having an episode. I yelled out this is madness and she just started busting up laughing and said "yep. everyday" ELIZA LAUGHED!!! my heart was so happy. I just love seeing the joy and the beauty of this work.

 

Mo is so excited for her baptism and is really working hard at doing the right thing at all times. What an example she is to me!

 

We have a new investigator, his names Dave. More on him later.

 

I just want to end though with my simple testimony of the Atonement. Gosh, it is real. Is is so real and raw. We go through life constantly being tested and beaten and thrashed and broken. At the end of my life, i know i will look as though i am a bike that has just been ran over. I will be mangled and bruised. Heck, i am mangled and i am bruised. But that is where the beauty lies. God doesnt want us returning to Him brand new and barely used. We are to go through life experiencing. We are to go through life enduring. And we are to go through life relying on HIM to get us through the next day until we are at our last, when our Savior will then allow us to become whole again. I love this gospel. It is real. I love this church and the analogy of it to a hospital. We are all broken and we are all seeking to be healed, and in the gospel is where we find refuge to go another day.

 

With all my love,

Sister Cloward

we gave a fireside last night on missionary work, and these are two of our finest members who attended. Brother mcnaughton and his son brian. total mainers

 

 

i dont even know this elders name, but everytime i see him i think colton is serving in my area. not cool

 

i made her take off her shoes for a week so we could win cleanest car award.. no shame

"Hope on, journey on"

First and foremost,

 

HAPPY 27 TO YOU DALLAN!!!!

 

What a beautiful day it has been, reflecting on the past almost 21 years of my life with the worlds greatest older brother. Dallan, you have brought such a pure love into my life. You have lifted me so many times, especially here on my mission. I am so grateful that i get to be your legs and voice, serving the Lord full time and i truly feel your strength. I do, and i will never be able to deny nor forget it.  Happy birthday to the happiest boy in the world. Know that your little sister LOVES you, prays for you, and relies on you so very much!

 

And now, about my week!

 

Well unfortunately, i was super super sick. The elders tried quarantining me all week, but that didnt even last a few hours. When there is work to be done, you just gotta forget yourself and go and do (while also taking breaks). This week was incredibly hard and i swear i have probably 3 new wrinkles and a zillion gray hairs but the joy and the blessings and the change in my heart has definately been worth it. It always is worth it.

 

So, Ken was just in a really rough spot. He was being super prideful and wasnt opening up his heart to listen, and i was already so worried because we hadnt heard from him for days, and the last time we talked he called to cancel because he wasnt doing so good. We called everyday to check up on him, and his sister said she hadnt seen him in days. Well, Ken doesnt drive, and he walks with a cane. He also doesnt have a phone, and he was also pretty hurt inside and out, so of course me being the crazy worrier that i am, i assumed he was dead. I prayed so dang hard for days, and then i was so sick i had to send the elders to go try and find him. FINALLY they got ahold of him, and i guess things went downhill. So the next day, we met up with him and he just goes off. I cut him off and just start baring my testimony, the spirit was so strong i just broke down and was crying and he totally stopped and got all soft and said stop crying, you cant do that to me stop! Sister wray took over and just said ken, we cry when we feel the spirit, and if you only knew how worried sister cloward has been for you. He finally understood. It was like Christ Himself was in the room, preaching to Ken Himself, that's how big of a change we saw in Ken in a few moments. We boldly testified of the gospel, and he listened, felt, and understood. At the end, he showed me a coin. He said on Saturday this coin will be on its way to Arizona, to you mom. On the coin both sides it has an angel, and he finally told me why He was so shocked the first time we came knocking into him. I guess i look just like his daughter, and act like her too. He said he could never have turned us away, because he saw her in me so strong that it could not have been a coincidence. Wow does the Lord work in mysterious ways or what... So, after a million phone calls of asking us if the baptism was still on, me and S. Wray both on our own felt like the Lord wanted it to happen.

 

And boy am i glad it did. His sister came, and for one the spirit was unreal, and two, she just may be the next member in the augusta ward. She was always super anti mormon and gave ken a hard time, but as soon as ken came up from being immersed, she ran to the font, grabbed onto the bars and knelt down and then tried to throw herself into the font to hug him, sobbing. The spirit was THAT powerful. While Ken was getting dressed, i talked to her and just held her, and she just kept saying "if you only knew the hell he has been through.. if you only knew. he is finally happy and i can see why!"

 

And then last night. Wow. We had dinner at the Maschino's, and Ken came with. I have never seen him so happy. So pure, so rich, and so vibrantly shining with SO much happiness. The light of Christ was unreal. I have never laughed so hard in my life, and wanted to cry with so many happy tears before. It was just unreal. I have finally seen the power of conversion from start to finish (but not finished... still gotta get him to the temple and endure every day!) I am one happy sister.

 

I also have felt my heart changing. The Lord is challening me, and He is shaping me. I am becoming His masterpiece. The work is hastening here in Augusta, and it isnt just hastening with the unbelievers. It is hastening within me.

 

I love this work, it is brutally hard. It is immensely painful. But the work is worth it. I am being ever so blessed as i "hope on, journey on".

 

Thank you for all the love, thoughts and prayers. They are pushing me through.

 

Sister Cloward

one of our investigators daughters lily! cutest thing ever.

 

yepp. i made them trump cards.

 

sister hovance!! ahhh i love this woman. she is moving to the damariscotta branch. not liking it.

 

Life is beautiful despite the struggles...

Ya know, it never ceases to amaze me how well the Lord knows me. Tuesday i went to transfer meeting with so many emotions, not knowing who my new companion would be and if i made the best decision for serving people by staying. At transfer meeting, they didnt announce me or my new companion, so i just stood there like shoot! Maybe i am suppose to go home? Hahah super awkward but nonetheless things got situated and my new companion is Sister Wray from American Fork Utah! Oh i just love her to bits and pieces. She's in her second transfer, so thankfully training her has been a piece of cake. She has one of the most beautiful testimonies of the Atonement, because she has had to rely on it and apply it so valuably in her life. I wish i could share her story, but it's not mine to share. She is a sassy and stubborn one so us two together is pretty funny but i have learned a great deal of humility lately, so we haven't had any disagreements of bad experiences yet. The Lord really knew we needed each other. At transfer meeting, i asked President Stoker for a blessing, so that was her first experience of getting to know me. His blessing was so beautiful. He talked a lot about my patriarchal blessing, and blessings that my stake president spoke of (of being healed) and that they will come about. He spoke of the friendships i am creating now that are eternal ones. He said that every prayer being spoken in my behalf with be answered, that i am literally answering peoples prayers. He told me that the hours i give in a day will be sufficient and successful and that the Lord will bless me with putting people in front of me. He blessed me that i will touch and change the lives of thousands. He told me that i will be in tune with my body, and knowing what i need. He then talked about my future... being a powerful mother in zion and an even powerful wife, neighbor, and missionary in my everyday life, that missionary work will always be a big part of my life. There were so many other incredible things spoken but im a space brain and cant remember. Nonetheless, it was exactly what i needed to hear, and exactly what i needed to put into practice. I have truly felt the presence of angels. He told me that i am a miracle, and i know it to be true. I'm still just amazed at how far i have come in life in the past 5 years... What Heavenly Father has thrown at me and what Jesus Christ has helped me battle, and conquer. Miracles occuring on my own behalf was not something i expected to experience daily on a mission to serve others, but they are, and they are because they are in turn blessing other people. I seriously feel like i am the happiest person in the world right now. And after this week of battles... that statement itself proves there is a God.

 

So ready for the week?

One, i had the stomach flu for 3 days, (and yes, mom, i did rest a little bit each day)

Two, one of our investigators is in a mental institution... but she is so dang solid. she is so eager to learn. But yesterday we found out why she is there. She got mad at her boyfriend, so she made a bomb and blew up his car. Needless to say, i wont be getting her mad!

Three, we stopped at Ken's for a surprise visit and caught him smoking. He kinda hid it, but i saw it.At the end of the lesson (which the spirit told us to quickly get out of there) he said he wanted to speak to me privately, and he told me that he had been prescribed medical marijuana because his pain patches arent working anymore... and that he is so embarrassed he doesnt even want his kids to know. So, we went straight to our knees and prayed so hard to know what to do... We were prepared for a major lesson the next day on addiction and what not and knowing Ken, the lesson would NOT have been received well (yes, he wants to follow christ so bad, but he is one prideful and stubborn person!) Well, turns out if it's prescribed, they can still get baptized (however that did not ease my worries!) So the next day on the way to his place, he called and said today wasnt a good day, and i stopped him and said now tell me right now, was that a cigarette or marijuana, and he said marijuana and was shocked we couldnt smell it... so the baptism is still on for now. We'll see how it plays out... just pray extra extra hard for me and sister wray to know what to do! We need a miracle with him.

Four, Saturday i challenged Sister Dawbin to pray for a missionary opportunity, shortly after we left their home, an old friend called her and said i miss the feeling i have when im around your family and i know your church is a big part of your life, i want to get baptized, i'll be at church tomorrow! MIRACLE!!! except she didnt come to church... ahhh people!

Five, we have been working with a LA who is wanting to work towards the temple, well after telling us she doesnt smoke and what not... we caught her smoking too. But she came to all 3 hours of church!!! Progress!

 

 

That basically sums my week, i think. We taught a lot of people on the street, and had a lot of unplanned service opportunities. The Lord seriously is placing everyone in my path and helping me see that if  i rely on Him, He will provide. The biggest miracle of the week though is just Sister Wray. I prayed so hard for a companion that saw the importance of relying on the spirit, and she sure does. She was a problem child in her last 2 areas (she got emergency transferred) but we just love each other so very much and our Lord and i'm trying to set the example of obedience so that there wont be any problems here! Im seriously so glad she likes me, she's like you Mikenna! She thinks im the weirdest person in the world cause i sing everything to her, but eh she'll get over it.

 

Mom, you asked me what i want for my birthday, yes you asked a tad bit early didnt you! But! I know what i want! EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS. You are now being held accountable to follow through on my request, so if you dont want to be held accountable, stop reading. But, for my birthday, i want each and every one of you who is reading this to find your nearest missionary and do two things. One, ask them for a copy of a Book of Mormon, write your testimony in it, and then send it to me. I want sincere testimonies in the copies i give out here to the New Englanders. I feel strongly that your voices need to be heard by the people i meet! So please do it! and Two, pray about a name you can give to your local missionaries!!! Then ill have the best birthday ever! And mom, a GPS would also be nice for a birthday gift... Or just some homemade rolls.

 

Well, im happy. Im happy i decided to stay, because i know the Lord wants me here. This mission is so dang hard. People are so hard and physically i am running on the Lord's energy, but IT IS SO WORTH IT. I'm taking this mission not one day at a time, but one moment at a time, and being in tune with my body has helped me get through some of the hardest moments. But i have been given so so so many crazy blessings and promises, that i would be a fool not to take advantage of them by simple doing my part in serving the Lord here in Augustar, Maine.

 

Life is beautiful despite the struggles. We've just got to seek the beauty.

 

Love!!! Sister Cloward

im in heaven with all the snakes i find!!

 

sister berg and i!

 

bet youd like to know what i was doing with a cat and a blow dryer...

Staying in Augusta....Being purified in the deep

July 29, 2013

Welllll,

 

This week has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. I've learned so many valuable lessons, and i think i have grown more this week than i have my whole mission thus far.

 

First! KEN IS BACK ON! We were in the middle of one of our lessons, and he just stopped us short and said "hey. whens my baptism now?" we told him we had to discuss quitting smoking again and he just laughed and said "i havent smoked since the day you told me i cant get baptized now" uhhh, what?!?! that made our jobs so much easier!

 

Second! I AM STAYING IN AUGUSTA ANOTHER TRANSFER!! I'm follow up training and am so excited! I talked to President Stoker last night about some things, and he mentioned that the sister i will train is someone who is in need of some positivity in the work, and that he knew sister chelsea cloward could help her out! What a blessing to know the Lord trusts you to do that. Pretty humbling and great.

 

Third! Well, im about to pour out some major emotions here... so prepare everyone. The past few weeks have been extremely physically hard, and people who dont even know my condition kept making comments that "there is no need to push yourself too hard that its going to make it worse in the long run" i was so so so confused and i just felt like heavenly father was trying to tell me something... so i sought out many blessings from my bishop, our stake patriach, and ward members. Each time, i was told that the decision would be clear of what Heavenly father wanted me to do. I started praying to know if i was suppose to go home, and had a couple neat experiences with it pointing to yes, although the whole time i was praying to know if the lord wanted me to go home, i already had it in my mind that i was staying no matter what. i was prompted to ask one of our members for a talk i had heard he gave, and no knowing what it was about, he printed it off and i read it. Sure enough, it was about seeking revelation.... and praying with a sincere heart to ACT. Yep, humility check. So, i started praying with a blank slate. I poured out my heart in the true definiton of earnest prayer, and sought out so hard for clarity. Sunday morning, i called President Stoker with an answer i felt like was clear, and i felt peace about it. I told him, through many many tears, i felt like i needed to go home. He then said i want you to talk to my best friend, a man i know you love so much, PRESIDENT OSTLER!!!! ahhhh! man, i sure love him, and he also told me to pay attention to how i felt during the sacrament. So, church passed, president ostler texted me and asked when was good to talk, and then we went forth with our days trying to cram 6 lessons in a couple hours so that i could call president ostler and hear his counsel.

 

Well, after i poured out my heart to him, telling him the honest truth of how i physically am doing, he shared with me how he felt. He reminded me of the blessing he gave me in the hospital almost 5 years ago. He shared with me that in his letter to the general authorities about me, he told them specifically about the promised blessing of being healed and that my mission would be a tool in that. He helped me see that my desire to pray about the lords will has truly been a selfless one, that all i want to do is what the Lord wants me to, and that i know both decisions, whether i go home or i stay will be hard. He helped me understand that IT'S OKAY that i cannot be a white handbook missionary, that there are days i will only be able to go out and teach one lesson and quickly return home to find what little respite i can, but that i AM giving my all, and that the Lord will make the most of the time and efforts i can give. He helped me see that i shouldnt feel guilty for taking care of my body ( although that really is a hard one, especially when all i want to do is get out and work). He then shared with me that when he sets people apart, he sees pictures of events, and shared with me what he saw. He told me he saw me standing at a pulpit, many times, in front of large crowds of people in the New England area, giving firesides, sharing with people of my faith and helping them see the angels that truly do bare us up. He told me he knows i can do this, that there is such a specific and unique mission for me to fulfill, and that the promise of healing hasnt been fulfilled yet, and that he feels my purpose is still here. I can't even describe the peace i felt. The Lord knows im doing my best. He's accepting it, i just now need to accept it myself. We ended with a prayer, and he told heavenly father that i am running on my reserves right now, He asked him to please continue to support me, and to replenish those reserves. He then ended  it with a promise that as soon as my mission is complete, i will be stronger than when i came out physically. Man, what a promise. I just need to endure ever so faithfully.

 

I then called President Stoker, and he literally shouted for joy when i told him i was staying. Man it was so cute! He shared with me how grateful he is for me, and that i should not feel guilty, and to do what i needed to do whenever i needed to do it. If only that would take away the immediate guilt.. Im learning!! He told me he felt prompted that i should read alma 26, and share with him in the morning what i felt. So, here is what i shared with him!

 

"First, in verse 2 i felt prompted to answer Ammon's question and i know that the biggest blessings other than the Atonement in my life, is indeed my trials. Through them, i have been able to develop my gifts and have complete reliance and faith in the Lord. Verse 4, i felt really impressed that i will touch thousands here in NE. In verse 6, the first line, 'yeah, they shall not be beated down by the storm at the last day'... i know that i may feel beaten by this storm but i have faith that miracles will occur daily for me to bring about the promise i was given to be healed. I know i am weak. I know i am nothing without Him, and everything because of Him. i can do this! In verse 27 there is a promise that he will give unto ME success. I know this is personal to me as long as i develop more patience and apply it. I know that He truly does comprehend what i am going through and has all the power and wisdom to make of me a better servant throughout my life on earth, and even beyond that. He is extremely mindful of me. and i feel i have such a specific and unique purpose here. i will be blessed, i just need to sumbit to humility and recognize i am weak and THAT'S OKAY! because He WILL make me strong. One last thing that stuck out to me in verse three, is that i am being made an instrument in gods hands. i wasnt just born or created into a perfect instrument. i am still in the testing phase. imperfections and impurities are EXPECTED and that is more than okay, it is great, because i am learning and my master is reshaping and remolding me until i become who He wants me to be, and then i will journey on home into His arms."

 

President Stoker replied "Sister Cloward i am so proud of you and how you are exercising such great faith, What you are doing is a PURE MIRACLE, and as you read in Alma 26, you WILL impact thousands."

 

Wow.

 

I know the Lord knows me. How more clear could He get, telling me that He knows me and i am in His hands. This is His work, and i am here to faithfully serve until the end. I love the Lord so much, i love Him, His children, and i am learning to even love myself, for we cannot have charity if it doesnt begin with ourselves. I am so grateful he trusts me with this refiners fire.

 

To close, i want to share a quote President Ostler shared with me... "God puts us in deep water not to drown us, but to purify us." I'm being purified, and how lucky am i that these are my trials.

 

Love!

Sister Chelsea Cloward

"you havent been to maine if you havent been to hussies" shot gun wedding anyone??

 

can you tell ken was giving me major sass when i asked for him to smile?

 

mom! i got to make a saguaro cactus this week, paint it and cut it out. oh my southwestern roots were showing way too much this week.

 

anywaysss i forgot to mention a new investigator! her name is eliza, oh the minute i met her i just loved her guts. she is in a mental institution, but she is moving to a home soon! we read i forgot what.. i think mos 3? and she asked how to repent and pray because she wants to work towards baptism!!!! miracles. love them so much.

 

love you alllll!

i know this picture is far from flattering, but yes gregg jill and mom, i was seriously crying the most happiest of tears when i got GREGGS FAMOUS COOKIES. sobbing people.

 

what a cute picture of 1. a member in the background on the comp and 2. a district leader and his sheep. awkwarddd

 

can you feel the love i have for this woman?!?! ahh sister rood. she is a mainer through and through and i love her to pieces.

 

SOLID SLOPPY KISS

July 22, 2013

Well, i wont hide it. This week was incredibly hard. Emphasis on the incredibly please. Emotionally, PHYSICALLY, spiritually, you name it. The Lord through me for a loop, and is majorly testing me. Satan is also trying to throw me through a loop but guess what folks. He aint gonna win.

 

So, it started monday with some weird feelings. I was definately humbled and prayers were answered on that day so i wont focus too much on that one, but then tuesday. ahhh tuesday... We got a call from Ken, teary ken, who told us his daughter had just given stillbirth. My heart seriously broke. And then Thursday, walking in to see him smoking, well, my heart was just ripped out of my chest. The lesson was rough, because we told him he could no longer be baptized the 27th, and he felt like we were punishing him... We knew the spirit would be hard to get back, so we made another appointment for the next day. I called bishop that night and told him, who asked the time and where to meet and said he would be coming with us. Hooray for bishop. man the lesson was unreal. Bishop told ken of his accident story (its a crazy one, if i had a solid day i could tell it, but lets just say his trumps mine for sure.... and i know i was sent to this area to learn so much from him) so the spirit is great, and now Ken is a happy camper and cant wait to be baptized again. I felt super prompted to write my testimony for him in a big triple combination (BOM d&c and PoGP). Remember how he always calls me his sweet little angel? well, he kept saying he knows god needed baby jackson porter more than he did on earth, but why?? in my testimony, i told him that i know that now sweet little jackson porter is HIS angel, leading him and his family even closer to God. i gave him the book in church right before sacrament, and after sacrament he came up to me (now hold on while i introduce the scene) so... im standing talking to brother maschino, the elders are next to us, sister berg is off against the wall talking to the little girls, our bishopric is around us too. Ken comes walking up to me, cuts off brother maschino, says "i know you're braking rules, i know im braking rules..." continues to grab one cheek at a time, and then BAM, he nails a SOLID SLOPPY KISS  right on my forehead, then continues to pull me in as i just go stiff as a board with a deer in the headlights look, and he just craddles me. i was mortified. the elders quickly considered me a sinner, and i just was traumatized. i mean i love ken, but man i was just so traumatized after (ken, if you ever read this im sorry... but im a missionary!!) ahh. anyways. so kens great.

 

i dont have much time to tell any of the other craziness, so i'll just leave everyone with my firm testimony, and a small thankamony cause it's just necessary.

 

I am beyond grateful for a father who is aware of me. In hard times, i have learned that the only place to turn (especially on a mission) is my heavenly father. He knows exactly what i need to hear, he knows exactly what we all need to hear. I truly am learning the Christlike quality of humility, and im learning it in a way i never thought was possible. If you compare ether 12:27/ mosiah 24:14-15 to mosiah 4:27 and d&c 10:4, well that's how im being humbled. We have all been given weaknesses. We have all been given strengths. The lord has asked us to strengthen these strengths and weaknesses, through him. He isnt asking us to push ourselves harder than what we can give, and unfortunately for me that is something that is hard for me to learn. It is truly HARD being on a mission, knowing there is a certain expectation of what a missionary should do, pushing myself to achieve that expectation, and then putting myself in an even weaker spot because i pushed myself too hard. It's definately a hard balance. I'm learning though, and i am grateful for the people who are in my path who are guiding me, who are answering my questions, and who are cheering me on. I mean it when i say i feel everyones prayers. I rely on them. I rely on the power they bring me, and i can't thank people enough for their prayers. I'm learning im not so invincible as i thought i was, but that i am incredibly invincible when i listen to my father and do the things He asks me, even if i dont see why or how it will help. I love my savior, i could say it over and over and over. I love him so much. Already today, i know he has suffered so much for me for THIS DAY because of the pain that i feel this moment. Why does he love me so much, to have suffered for me? I surely wont ever know why here on this mortal earth life, but i do know this simple truth. He does love me. And that is what is getting me through.

 

And now, im off to go kick some elders butts in disc golf.

 

I love you all,

Sister Cloward

one time i caught a snake, and was in heaven. ahhh nature is sure great in mainer ville

 

wellll transfers are soon. so basically what im getting at is pray i stay in augusta please and thanks.

 

loveeeee you allllll

sister cloward

Harrington Family

He is in me...He is in you

July 15, 2013

Greeetings from Augustar, Maine!

 

It has been another fabulous week here in Mainer land. And by fabulous, i mean amazing. The Lord is working miracles nonstop and i get to be the tool and see all of them unfold. It started on Tuesday, when i was doing some family history work and discovered lines going to a King names Wig Wigga. I just found it hilarious... and hey mom! Our lines go back to Adam! Pretty neat huh! Back to miracles though.. We had our first interview with President Stoker and all i can say is that is one inspired man. He is so bold, so ready to get this mission even better, and so loving and caring all wrapped up in one. My comp has been struggling a lot with why she is here and with faith, and most of my interview was discussing how we can help her. President Stoker is truly helping me see how to be selfless. How to not worry about my needs, but to always be looking at how i can help others and in turn trust that my needs will be taken care of. Sure enough, by focusing not on my worries and on how to bless her, blessings have come tenfold. He told me i was a breath of fresh air, and wish he had 200 sister clowards. I had been struggling the prior week thinking about if i am making the difference that i should be. It's always amazing how inspired people are and how the Lord answers our prayers. He also said im going to be a sister trainer leader very soon, so be prepared. i kind of laughed it off and he said im serious sister cloward. be prepared! Oh boy. all that came to my mind was d&c 82:3. Even more blessings will be upon me, my area, and my family as a greater stewardship will be upon my head. I am ever so grateful for a Heavenly Father who trusts me so much, and even more grateful that i am being so privileged to touch so many lives.

 

Another miracle came this week. One morning, i prayed extra extra hard and more fervent to find new investigators that day. We had a meal appointment with Sister Johnson and Mo, and some of her friends were going to be over. We show up at the house, and immediately miracles were pouring. Erik, the father was holding a bible and was just spitting out questions. They are a younger couple with two kids, who just recently lost a baby. Ever since, Erik says there has been a loud voice in his head, directing him. His questions were truly inspired questions, and our answers even more inspired. Things were going so well, and of course he had to leave at 7 for a karate class. His wife kept asking "are you sure you want to leave" and he said was hesitant but firm with his yes... that he needed that time to be in tune with himself. So, they leave, and kid you not 5 minutes later they are back in the house. Apparently, the class was at 5:30, and even though he wrote the times down, he got it wrong. He just kept saying man, im just tripping out, i wrote the times, i triple checked. I guess the lord knew where i needed to be. So we have continue on with our lesson. They are both telling us how they weren't really accepted in other churches, how other churches weren't helping out, when of course, Bishop Dawbin knocks on the door and walks in with boxes and boxes and boxes of bishops storehouse food. Sister Johnson just started crying and said "how did you know?" Erik kept saying "my mind is just tripping" and Kristie too was just amazed. Bishop said something to the fact that when you get a prompting, you act! They showed up to church yesterday and were just so impressed with everything. They've already asked what they need to do to be baptized, and truly have humble hearts and righteous desires. Goes to show, i need to beg Heavenly Father for more investigators more often!

 

Another miracle was Saturday. James Nirza is the elders investigator who got baptized that day, and asked me to speak on baptism because apparently i said "Well if you quit smoking your breath wont smell bad" to him and he said the spirit just hit him like a ton of bricks and then he was done smoking. I hadn't had time in any of my lunch or dinner breaks to write a talk, and the day of it was just as busy so i wasn't as prepared as i wanted to be, but i knew that if i just trusted the Lord, my words would be His words. Sure enough, it was. I don't remember what i said, nor does it really matter. What i remember is looking into James' eyes, feeling the power of the spirit and Savior, and speaking to his soul. Seeing him in white, seeing him continue on to be in his temple white, and seeing the purity in him. It was just unreal. I can never deny the power that was felt. After he came up from being immersed, he had this solemn look, and then threw his fist in the air and said YES, then grasped onto elder nielsen and clapped his hands together (see mosiah 18:11). Why aren't we all clapping our hands together everyday? Why do we as humans fail to remember that each week, if we are worthy, we are being made clean through the sacrament? Why do we forget that the bread and water truly symbolizes Christ? Why aren't we more reverent during the sacrament, because Christs body is on the sacrament table. Why don't we understand that Christ is in us, He truly is in us. Why do we fall short so much? All of these questions have been a driving force for me this week. I not only wear His name on my chest, but His body is within me. He is in me, He is in you, He is in all of us. Ponder on that.

 

Sunday we had ward council, and with the elders were given 45 minutes to introduce a new program we are extending to the families to help them recognize they are just as much commanded to serve as a missionary in their everyday lives as we missionaries are when we are set apart. I have been praying to be more bold and more aggressive, and once again it is incredible to see those prayers being answered. Once again, i dont remember what was said, but i know power was within me greater than my own. I know the spirit was the speaker. I know the words were bold, and unfortunately some of the hearts were not open and willing to hear, so there was some contention on their part, but the spirit was the speaker. It wasn't me. I know that the Lord blesses us with what we ask Him for, through the spirit. I know i have been given the gift of speech and delivery, and i am grateful that i am using that gift. That i am increasing my abilities in that gift, because the Lord sees great need for me too. It's just amazing to know Heavenly Father trusts me, because He is answering my prayers and blessing others through me.

 

Ken is doing so good. He is officially off the cig's and his date is the 27th! I think ive mentioned before he calls me his sweet little angel, and guess what. Yesterday one of the talks was on the ministering of angels. All i can say is that there was so much power and so much direction from the spirit in Bishop Dawsons (the previous bishops) talk. Ken just said "now do you know why i call you my sweet little angel?" I am grateful that i have chosen to be his angel. How blessed am i.

 

My testimony is surely being tested, and strengthened at this time in my life. I know that i am such a blessed daughter of God, because He has chosen me to be apart of His great work in an area that has so much potential. It's amazing to have gone from 0 investigators opening the area, to having FIVE INVESTIGATORS AT CHURCH. ahhh miracles miracles. I love this work. I love my Lord. I love who i am becoming, because i know i am a more valiant servant.

 

Sister Cloward

the guy in the suit is james nirza! the newest augustar member!

 

It's pretty great that us toro's still rule even over in the east coast. marissa is staying here with her parents until she leaves for melbourne for her mission!

 

 

the stokers!

 

anddd ken in his "domain" yes, that is where we have lessons. its great