Well, i wont hide it. This week was incredibly hard. Emphasis on the incredibly please. Emotionally, PHYSICALLY, spiritually, you name it. The Lord through me for a loop, and is majorly testing me. Satan is also trying to throw me through a loop but guess what folks. He aint gonna win.
So, it started monday with some weird feelings. I was definately humbled and prayers were answered on that day so i wont focus too much on that one, but then tuesday. ahhh tuesday... We got a call from Ken, teary ken, who told us his daughter had just given stillbirth. My heart seriously broke. And then Thursday, walking in to see him smoking, well, my heart was just ripped out of my chest. The lesson was rough, because we told him he could no longer be baptized the 27th, and he felt like we were punishing him... We knew the spirit would be hard to get back, so we made another appointment for the next day. I called bishop that night and told him, who asked the time and where to meet and said he would be coming with us. Hooray for bishop. man the lesson was unreal. Bishop told ken of his accident story (its a crazy one, if i had a solid day i could tell it, but lets just say his trumps mine for sure.... and i know i was sent to this area to learn so much from him) so the spirit is great, and now Ken is a happy camper and cant wait to be baptized again. I felt super prompted to write my testimony for him in a big triple combination (BOM d&c and PoGP). Remember how he always calls me his sweet little angel? well, he kept saying he knows god needed baby jackson porter more than he did on earth, but why?? in my testimony, i told him that i know that now sweet little jackson porter is HIS angel, leading him and his family even closer to God. i gave him the book in church right before sacrament, and after sacrament he came up to me (now hold on while i introduce the scene) so... im standing talking to brother maschino, the elders are next to us, sister berg is off against the wall talking to the little girls, our bishopric is around us too. Ken comes walking up to me, cuts off brother maschino, says "i know you're braking rules, i know im braking rules..." continues to grab one cheek at a time, and then BAM, he nails a SOLID SLOPPY KISS right on my forehead, then continues to pull me in as i just go stiff as a board with a deer in the headlights look, and he just craddles me. i was mortified. the elders quickly considered me a sinner, and i just was traumatized. i mean i love ken, but man i was just so traumatized after (ken, if you ever read this im sorry... but im a missionary!!) ahh. anyways. so kens great.
i dont have much time to tell any of the other craziness, so i'll just leave everyone with my firm testimony, and a small thankamony cause it's just necessary.
I am beyond grateful for a father who is aware of me. In hard times, i have learned that the only place to turn (especially on a mission) is my heavenly father. He knows exactly what i need to hear, he knows exactly what we all need to hear. I truly am learning the Christlike quality of humility, and im learning it in a way i never thought was possible. If you compare ether 12:27/ mosiah 24:14-15 to mosiah 4:27 and d&c 10:4, well that's how im being humbled. We have all been given weaknesses. We have all been given strengths. The lord has asked us to strengthen these strengths and weaknesses, through him. He isnt asking us to push ourselves harder than what we can give, and unfortunately for me that is something that is hard for me to learn. It is truly HARD being on a mission, knowing there is a certain expectation of what a missionary should do, pushing myself to achieve that expectation, and then putting myself in an even weaker spot because i pushed myself too hard. It's definately a hard balance. I'm learning though, and i am grateful for the people who are in my path who are guiding me, who are answering my questions, and who are cheering me on. I mean it when i say i feel everyones prayers. I rely on them. I rely on the power they bring me, and i can't thank people enough for their prayers. I'm learning im not so invincible as i thought i was, but that i am incredibly invincible when i listen to my father and do the things He asks me, even if i dont see why or how it will help. I love my savior, i could say it over and over and over. I love him so much. Already today, i know he has suffered so much for me for THIS DAY because of the pain that i feel this moment. Why does he love me so much, to have suffered for me? I surely wont ever know why here on this mortal earth life, but i do know this simple truth. He does love me. And that is what is getting me through.
And now, im off to go kick some elders butts in disc golf.
I love you all,
Sister Cloward
one time i caught a snake, and was in heaven. ahhh nature is sure great in mainer ville
wellll transfers are soon. so basically what im getting at is pray i stay in augusta please and thanks.
loveeeee you allllll
sister cloward
Harrington Family
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