Oh Man Oh Man

July 8, 2013

Welllll, yet another great week. We FINALLY had our meet and greet with the Stokers. It was just incredible. I don't know if i ever mentioned how anytime President Wilkey walked into the room, the spirit just bore so strong that he was a man called by God. Sure enough, the minute President Stoker walked into the cultural hall, the spirit changed and i turned and saw him and his precious wife greeting the elders. When we were introducing ourselves, he also had us name 2 attributes about our companions where we were from and our favorite scripture and testimony. Sister Stoker bore her testimony on 1 Nephi 3:7. Never has that scripture born so much power to me. She talked about how the Lord gives trials to those who are most often time the weakest, so that we HAVE to rely on Him. Looking back on the past couple of months and even my life, i know that to be true. I was so weak, and only through my times in relying on Him have i been made stronger.

 

Ken, oh man oh man. So tuesday night we had our Book of Mormon class, and he started talking and said "i was chatting with my sister today and told her, 'well. it looks like im going to be a mormon'" If only you could see mine and elder nielsen's face. It was like Mr. Griswalds face in family vacation when the lights FINALLY came on. Elder nielsen had taught ken once for me and sister buxton when i was sick and if only you all could see the change. But alas! KENS GOING TO BE A MORMON. and i have a firm testimony that he will be a leader amongst many in the catholic community around here in bringing others to the truth. Ken knows his stuff. People will seek to know more because of his example in always doing whats right. So here's a plug for everyone, be that example! You never know who is watching and will follow you!

 

We also found a new investigator! I think i may or may not have mentioned him before but we were going to see a now former investigator (dwight... he just tells you the same story 5 times in 20 minutes so we had to drop him..)  and dwight was out talking to jon. we brought a girl in the ward named sariah with us, so sariah and s berg took on dwight and i took on jon and his son bubba. i had an immediate love for the two. jon is paralyzed and has rods in his back too!!! people with rods here just pop outta every corner! But man, he is just so sweet and so humble and so righteously desires to teach his son the best. I had a super cool experience with sharing a scripture that perfectly applied to what me and bubba were talking about that i had read randomly that morning. I'm learning the Lord truly is in all things. Every single thing. It's also amazing how so many times i will be prompted to text someone, and come to find out how impactful it was YET AGAIN. It's a beautiful thing to see my desires to be more in tune are improving. That's all the Lord asks of us, to improve. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes we think we are perfectly fine where we are, but we aren't. I found my self in a content place before serving, and i hope i will never find myself in a content place ever again. I have so much to learn and grow and know still. Sometimes i get overwhelmed with needing to know so much more doctrine, but i am always reminded the Lord knows what His children need to know who i am serving, just let Him direct my studies and i'll be fine. Trust is a very hard concept, but the promise is given that if we trust in the Lord, salvation will be ours.

 

Well family, i love you all! thank you for the continual love and support and prayers. Im still struggling health wise, but it's been easier to just learn that my spirit is not my body, and as long as im nourishing my spirit in the times my body needs to catch up, i'll be more than okay. I'm holding to the promise in alma 40:23.

 

loveeee, sister cloward

red hot dogs for the fourth! apparently red hot dogs are all maine sells... mom you asked if people have AC's here in maine, NO. they do not. hence the sweaty pictures, but bishop was so kind enough to go buy us one and install it a couple nights ago. to say i was happy is quite the understatement.

 

Week of Miracles

July 1, 2013

Week of miracles! I wonder if anyone ever gets sick of me saying that, cause truly every dang week is a week of miracles. But it is! So, miracle one equals two new investigators. One just randomly called after i gave her our number and asked us to come study with her. after our 2nd lesson i was prompted to invite her to be baptized, the spirit was just POUNDING and of course as soon as i extended the invite the phone rang. dang satan. dang dang dang satan. KEN. Let's talk about him. So he is the one me and sister buxton found while going to see a LA and boxing her in. I invited him to be baptized july 20th and you better believe he accepted. But then, satan concurred again. Ken deals with crazy athritis and long story short, he couldnt come to church. So yesterday he kept coming to my mind and we truly had zero time to go see him, but i just couldnt deny the prompting so a member came with us to go see him and i guess he was having a really "melancholy" day which is NOT like him. he's always telling ME to be more faithful (and not to be prideful, but sheesh is that saying a lot (ill repent for that comment later i promise!)) and the past few visits extending a priesthood blessing invite to him has come to mind, and so finally i asked if he would like one to which he said "HE-- YES" why didnt i ask him sooner? haha ahhh ken... he promised me he'll be baptized before i leave, and i told him no it doesnt work that way. get baptized when you feel it is right. Our other investigators are going super well too. We almost doubled our lessons this week, which is saying a lot. The lord is truly keeping us sisters busy busy busy. Its pathetic to say this.... but we havent even done our weekly planning (which takes about 3 hours and is suppose to be done friday morning) nor will we have any time until wednesday morning... The Lord just knows i need to stay busy in order to not think about myself right now. Which leads to another miracle. I have a migraine about everyday, and feel pretty nauseated too, and my back just is not a lovely back right now. BUT, when i pray for strength, the moment i walk onto someones property to teach them, my pain is just gone. Completely gone. Well, not my back, but the Lord gives me the ability to not focus on it whatsoever, and then the moment i step off of their property, the pain is back. He's taking care of me!

 

I'm at the point in my mission where i just never want to come home. I never thought i would see this day, but man. It's true mom, im never coming home. I love these people so much. New Englanders are a rare breed, but i just love and adore them. They truly are blessing me and teaching me and pushing me to my limits, but as i am pushed and pushed by them my limits increase. AKA im growing. and im growing a lot. The Lord is sculpting me to who He needs me to be, because i have finally thrown in the towel and have allowed Him to do whatever He pleases. I trust Him, He is my maker and He is not done creating me. My relationship with my Savior is ever increasing and growing, i'm amazed at who He is allowing me to become.

 

I love you all, and it's just my simple plea that you too, will allow your Savior to continue to shape you. Find out your weaknesses, your strengths, your stubborn areas and pray to know how to let go and i promise you all, you will. You will let go, and He will hold on and create a better you.

 

Love,

Sister Cloward

EGD and Reality

June 24, 2013

OKAY i'm about to brag here real quick.   So wednesday i went and got the EGD?? and apparently when i was coming out of anesthesia, i basically taught the anesthesiologiest the first lesson and raved about The Work of Salvation broadcast and told him the time and place and about how crazy changes are happening. Am i a boss missionary or what? I now preach in my dreams, wake up to myself planning for the day, and even preach the gospel while under the influence. Im officially a missionary. Sister Berg my new comp got some on video, so if i can send those ohhhh i will. I was calling everyone unto repentance and baptism, and other nonsense stuff.   But now back to reality, can we just talk about how amazing that broadcast was?! The day before, me and my comp and the two elders who serve in Augusta with us met to talk about how we can change the Augusta area and get it fired up. We came to the conclusion that it has to start with the members, because we can knock on doors all we want but the true success lies within the members. Their potential is so great, and yet they have no faith in themselves and in turn their Heavenly Father. SO with that being said, i obtained an amazing family mission plan and spiced it up and have started to work with the members more and challenging them to fill out the plan and not only to fill it out but to pray for the desire, strength, and drive. We also talked about the fact that us four missionaries.... well we are all baby missionaries, and therefore we are done doing it the way previous missionaries have done. We aren't going to do things just because that's how it was done with every other elder in the area. We are going to be bold, fearless, and unaffraid to change things no matter how hard it will be. I know that success wont be SEEN right away, but i know that in the lord's time, the waters will flood. How amazing that just 24 hours after we met, the prophet and apostles echoed exactly what we talked about. I am ever so eager to see the changes happen and be apart of it. My oh my will it be so dang hard but guess what, i knew that when i put in my papers. And guess what else, that just means more blessings to all those whom i love so very much. The Lord also answered major prayers. We see little success with tracting, and honestly, it is extremely hard on my body. Ive been getting migraines up the wazoo here, and apparently my back despises humidity. Once again, it is so apparent that the Lord's work is changing and my needs will be taken care of with the changes. It is being geared from tracting, to internet work. While that may not be as exciting as walking and talking to people face to face, it will be something my body can handle, and something GREATER success will come from. Just gotta love the Lord for taking care of me every single time i ask...   So! my companion. Background story. Throughout last transfer, Sister Buxton always brought up with how concerned she was for her companion she trained the prior transfer. She felt like she had zero faith in people, and that because of that if effected the success. She called our mission pres and s. wilkey and voiced, who also felt the same concerns. They asked her to pray about it, so s. buxton did as well as fast, to which she got the answer she would be fine, just as long as she was with someone whose faith couldnt be shaken. She told the Wilkeys, to which they said "someone like sister cloward". Well, lo and behold here we are! It was extremely hard for me the first few days, because i had the knowledge i did, and it was apparent she did lack some faith. It literally ate at me... and Satan truly was working me. It just seriously sucked. I prayed so hard to love her, and to know how to build her, and to also allow her to build me. Finally, i just knew i needed to tell her everything. OH MY GOSH, why hadnt i thought of that sooner? It was one of the most amazing comp inventory's ever. I admire Sister Berg so much for her ability to hear her weaknesses, RECOGNIZE them, and want to make them strengths. We definately are a powerhouse. She has such an awesome ability to bring the facts to the table, and i know i can rely on her for knowledge that i don't know yet, whereas i have been blessed with the gift of testifying. There is nothing more powerful than feeling the gift of the spirit speaking boldly through me. It's just unreal to literally FEEL the spirit SPEAKING through me, and seeing the eyes of those i am testifying to soften, glisten with moisture, and truly become lighter. truly remarkable.   My investigators are definately progressing. Im sorry i don't talk about them so much, but i feel that my testimony speaks more volumes about how they are doing, because not only am i building them up but they are building me up even more. Oh how i love them all.   oh cool fact for the day.... the library i email at has a first edition of the Book of Mormon, and yes, i read some good of words of King Benjamin from it. The power i felt while holding it... reflecting on it's history, who has held the book, and the torment it truly has gone through is something i will not nor can i ever deny. The book is true.   Well, now i am going to chastize you all. Go get off your booty's and truly heed the call to fulfill your duty as a son or daughter of god. you are a member missionary. you promised your savior, your father, and your brothers and sisters before coming here that you would help the work, and help them come back to their father in heaven. it is time to go and do. i pray that the work hastens all over the world just as much as it is here in Augusta Maine, because of our realization as missionaries that we have the greatest responsibility in the world... which is to bring forth the children of God, unto Him again. i love you all, my dear brothers and sisters. so very much. so, truly, go and do.   sister cloward

Whoops!

June 24, 2013

Oops I lost Chelsea's email from today...will post later if I can retrieve it.

one time... the font overflowed cause the sisters were running late... whoops?

 

and there she is... the most sacred book i have yet to hold and read.

Farewell President and Sister Wilkey

June 17, 2013

Well mom, being the last week with President Wilkey he asked our LTP's to be a bit different this week, and what he asked to write couldnt have laid out my week more perfectly and what my thoughts have been lately, so i'll mainly have that be my letter home this week! Quick update, im staying in Augusta another transfer! I knew i would, it has been so apparent how much I, Sister Cloward am needed here in Augusta. I cant wait to touch even more people here in the next 6 weeks with a brand new companion! My investigators are all so solid, we have a new one named Taylor who is 13. She is unreal. I go get my EGD?? Wednesday (i'll tell my comp to take a video when i wake up since im soooooooo hilarious after anesthesia). Poor companions first experience of me will be that haha. I go pick her up from New Hampshire tomorrow. Im sure ill love her to pieces. But, here is my letter. Hope you feel the spirit and the mighty change it's working on this Mainer daughter of yours!

To my dearest President and Sister Wilkey,

I want you two to know, i KNOW i came out on April 24th so that i could start my mission off with you two. I'm going to share something with you that you probably don't know. Putting my availability on April 24th came to me as a commandment. It was the last day of finals, and i knew it would be so stressful completing school and preparing for a mission all at once, but i knew i had to do it. I also was dating a boy, who i knew i could have an eternal marriage with. Needless to say, when i came out and met you two and through the experiences of truly learning from you both through just watching your example, i knew why i needed to come out on April 24th. I needed you two. So, what i have learned from Sister Wilkey, is the wife i want to become. The person i want to become... The mother i want to become. In 6 weeks i have learned exactly what i needed to learn from you. I have always been scared of the type of marriage i will have because of the lack of a marriage growing up, but i have full confidence in myself that if i strive to love my Lord and my God as much as you do, and hopefully more, that i will become the type of mother, wife, and friend you are. I learned i wasnt ready to take on a marriage, and that i made the BETTER righteous decision in coming out here to learn from you what the Lord needed me to learn, and that is to become a powerful wife and mother in Zion. Thank you Sister Wilkey! And you President Wilkey, you helped me understand my potential, and my divine right to never settle. Thank you both for your examples.

Now for what has been on my mind. My dad. So many times i have thought to pick up the phone and call him and just tell him a forgive him. That i truly forgive him with every Christlike fiber of my body! That i miss him, and have faith in him and love him. With yesterday being fathers day i tried to especially forget myself and just think about others in the ward who may long for a solid father. Elder Adkins gave the most inspired talk ever, and i cannot thank him enough for that. I've also been struggling with how in the world do i forget myself when i have medical needs i have to be cautious about. The balance isn't perfect yet, but i promise both of you i am trying my hardest to find it. I promise you both i will be a missionary who you two can be proud of, even if you are not seeing my efforts here.

President Wilkey, everything you said in the real play was so divinely inspired. The experience of baring my testimony to my sweet Dallan, knowing his time was near end, held so much power and i know we both will never deny the spirit and Saviors presence with us in those moments. I know Dallan will be told "Well done thou good and faithful servant" and i pray he and my Savior will both whisper those words as i kneel at their feet, bathing their feet in my tears, while exchanging the word servant for sister. Another so inspired thing was the moment you told me i was clean. It had been something i had been praying to know, where i stood before God just as Joseph prayed to have it manifested to Him. I had my fears that i wasnt worthy of the calling i hold. Thank you, for being so in tune. One last thing was when you promised me, that every righteous desire of mine will be made. Right away i thought of my dad. How i long for him to walk with Christ again. I know that is one of the purest desires i have ever had, because i want him to walk with Christ for his gain, and not mine. I know that a promise was made to me from God through you, and i know i am truly indebted to you for your service. I cannot thank you enough for the impact you and your wife, THROUGH the Savior have made in my life.

I hope you both know by my example that i have a testimony of trusting in my Savior. It's not a perfect testimony, but it's a testimony that continually is being tried and tested and growing. I know my Savior knows every bit of me. I know that as much as i want to be in His arms to gain comfort, he wants me to be in His arms to extend comfort. Our relationship is not perfect either, i disappoint Him every day. I hurt Him, I test His patience, but yet He is extends to me a perfect love all of the time. I know He loves me. Those 5 words hold more power in them than i will ever truly comprehend, but i know He does. He performs many beautiful miracles on my behalf each and every day. I cannot deny them nor will i ever, for He is my Savior and hath paid the price for ME. I love that i can love Him more and more each day. As a mortal i am not expected to have a PERFECT love for Him, because i cannot achieve that in the state i am in. So i boldly state now, each day i learn to love Him more, and each day i do love Him more.

My vision for being a Christlike missionary is to truly be the missionary my Father sees in me. He believes in me so much and trusts in me so much, that i need to turn it around and believe in myself because i know He is with me and believes in me, which is also my goal. Just being the missionary He sees me being. My plan to achieve that is by reflecting constantly when i receive inspiration or confirmation that the Spirit is working with me. My action will be to WRITE IT ALL DOWN!!! and to study all of the missionaries in our scriptures, and seek to improve the qualities they had that i want. My accountability will be to my Father and myself, asking Him to help me see where i am improving, not just where i can improve!

I love you both with all of my heart.
God be with you till we meet again!

Love,
Sister Cloward

the picture of me in the hideous jeggins and huge coat and heels... that is what you look like when you decide to milk cows and you are not in your area. ohhh the maneure was all over me. whatev's.

lo and behold, KEN.

the picture of lunch is my district. first two lovers you see are my zone leaders elder walker and kunz, then the next set is my dl and comp elder adkins and neilson, then me and sis deters (exchanges) and then the other two elders gassant and davis. basically the best district ever.

Miracles and the Roadkill guy...

Hellllo familia y amigos??

 

There is absolutely no trace of hispanic anything here... i'm definately missing some mexican food. But, anyways thats beside the point. Ready to hear all about the nonstop miracles from the week?! First, we got NINE referrals. NINE guys. NINE. What does that mean?! It means the ward LOVES and trusts us sistas!!! One of them, just wait.. ahh so excited hahah. So its a referral from the Dawbin fam and bishop is telling me how he is a naturalist and what not. So i go like doomsday preppers?! and he goes YES! have you ever seen the show? I proceed to say "YA! Like the roadkill guy?!?" MOM. EVERYONE! HE IS THE ROADKILL GUY!! ahhhh the people in Maine never cease to amaze me!!! Hahaha i'm trying so hard to contain my laughter this very moment. SO great. Due to time, i dont think im going to report on every dang miracle, but i'll tell ya the bigs ones and just know that when you pray for miracles and expect miracles, you receive miracles. So... Thursday was zone interviews and it was super bittersweet because depending on if i have to train next transfer (aka next week) it was my last time seeing president wilkey as "president wilkey". That man is nothing short of unreal. I KNOW i needed to put my availability date when i did, because i needed to start my mission off with him. He has blessed me so much. We were asked to be prepared to do a role play in our interview incorporating the joseph smith "i saw a pillar of light..." first vision. I go in, and right away we kneel and he recites about how joseph was about to tell the lord what was in his heart, then he has me give a minute prayer about what my heart most desired. I asked for miracles to be sent my way, and then i proceeded to ask for Colton to be strong and comforted as he starts to prepare to leave for BYU and a mission, i asked that Caleb would find his testimony and align his life completely with Christs, i asked that Kenna would be strong and guided and trusting, i asked that you, mom, would be strong at this time, with colt leaving, me gone, and dallan sick, (take in mind, im sobbing) then.. i asked that Dallan would have the strength to get through this sickness and that his little body would not suffer for anymore than it needs to. I say amen, and look up to P. Wilkey who tearfully pulls out his scriptures, turns me to D&C 49:8 and tells me how he knows that verse is talkign about Dallan. Then, we start our role play, and he has me flashforward to the day i get home from my mission, Dallan barely holding on, laying in bed, and has me recite the first vision to him and pretend that he is Dallan. I was so choked up i had a hard time getting through, but i said it, and bore testimony that he has lived his life perfectly. That he has been one of my biggest examples, and that i know his savior is waiting for him on the other side of the veil, waiting to tell him well done thou good and faithful servant. After, P. Wilkey grabs my hand in his, and asks me if i support and sustain him as someone who holds the keys, and as someone who can speak for Christ here on earth. I whispered yes, as he looked me in the eyes and told me "Sister Chelsea Cloward, by the power of the keys that i hold, i declare you..." and pauses. in my mind, i thought he was going to say be healed. I was so confused, but then he finished "completely clean. Your Savior wants you to know this, you are clean." Then he continued, and ended with telling me that the Lord promises me that EVERY righteous desire of my heart will happen. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It answered so many prayers, and just as i mentioned a few weeks ago about Joseph asking God to make it manifest where he stands before Him, i have been doing so, and was worried about the answer i would get. I cant even describe the peace it brought, knowing that i am completely clean. It was definitely an experience i needed to have and has brought so much strength at this time.

 

Mom, i just read the email about Dallan. To say i am not worried and hurt is short of the emotions i am feeling. But, i felt prompted to get a blessing just before coming to email, and what was said was so beautiful. Again, i was commanded not to worry about my family, that you all are being taken care of, and all will be well. It is so hard knowing Dallan is not in good condition, and that you mom, have so much to worry about and that i am not home to help, but i know im out here doing more good then i would be home. I know i am where i am needed and should be. Please mom, email president and sister wilkey if he gets any worse.

 

I'll keep this one short today, because there is so much to do. Know i am well! I am seeing a GI tomorrow so you will be hearing from me soon. Hopefully we will get some answers on my end, but if not i trust my savior. He'll see me through. I love you i love you! Keep being strong. The Lord is on your side.

 

Love,

Sister Cloward

 

 

 

 Loving all creatures big and small...

 This is only a test....

 ma, you asked if ive seen any light houses, there ya go

 Sister Buxton and I with my unruly maine of hair

 Reflexology...becoming a believer

 Courtney Harrington...I love this girl!