Whoops!

June 24, 2013

Oops I lost Chelsea's email from today...will post later if I can retrieve it.

one time... the font overflowed cause the sisters were running late... whoops?

 

and there she is... the most sacred book i have yet to hold and read.

Farewell President and Sister Wilkey

June 17, 2013

Well mom, being the last week with President Wilkey he asked our LTP's to be a bit different this week, and what he asked to write couldnt have laid out my week more perfectly and what my thoughts have been lately, so i'll mainly have that be my letter home this week! Quick update, im staying in Augusta another transfer! I knew i would, it has been so apparent how much I, Sister Cloward am needed here in Augusta. I cant wait to touch even more people here in the next 6 weeks with a brand new companion! My investigators are all so solid, we have a new one named Taylor who is 13. She is unreal. I go get my EGD?? Wednesday (i'll tell my comp to take a video when i wake up since im soooooooo hilarious after anesthesia). Poor companions first experience of me will be that haha. I go pick her up from New Hampshire tomorrow. Im sure ill love her to pieces. But, here is my letter. Hope you feel the spirit and the mighty change it's working on this Mainer daughter of yours!

To my dearest President and Sister Wilkey,

I want you two to know, i KNOW i came out on April 24th so that i could start my mission off with you two. I'm going to share something with you that you probably don't know. Putting my availability on April 24th came to me as a commandment. It was the last day of finals, and i knew it would be so stressful completing school and preparing for a mission all at once, but i knew i had to do it. I also was dating a boy, who i knew i could have an eternal marriage with. Needless to say, when i came out and met you two and through the experiences of truly learning from you both through just watching your example, i knew why i needed to come out on April 24th. I needed you two. So, what i have learned from Sister Wilkey, is the wife i want to become. The person i want to become... The mother i want to become. In 6 weeks i have learned exactly what i needed to learn from you. I have always been scared of the type of marriage i will have because of the lack of a marriage growing up, but i have full confidence in myself that if i strive to love my Lord and my God as much as you do, and hopefully more, that i will become the type of mother, wife, and friend you are. I learned i wasnt ready to take on a marriage, and that i made the BETTER righteous decision in coming out here to learn from you what the Lord needed me to learn, and that is to become a powerful wife and mother in Zion. Thank you Sister Wilkey! And you President Wilkey, you helped me understand my potential, and my divine right to never settle. Thank you both for your examples.

Now for what has been on my mind. My dad. So many times i have thought to pick up the phone and call him and just tell him a forgive him. That i truly forgive him with every Christlike fiber of my body! That i miss him, and have faith in him and love him. With yesterday being fathers day i tried to especially forget myself and just think about others in the ward who may long for a solid father. Elder Adkins gave the most inspired talk ever, and i cannot thank him enough for that. I've also been struggling with how in the world do i forget myself when i have medical needs i have to be cautious about. The balance isn't perfect yet, but i promise both of you i am trying my hardest to find it. I promise you both i will be a missionary who you two can be proud of, even if you are not seeing my efforts here.

President Wilkey, everything you said in the real play was so divinely inspired. The experience of baring my testimony to my sweet Dallan, knowing his time was near end, held so much power and i know we both will never deny the spirit and Saviors presence with us in those moments. I know Dallan will be told "Well done thou good and faithful servant" and i pray he and my Savior will both whisper those words as i kneel at their feet, bathing their feet in my tears, while exchanging the word servant for sister. Another so inspired thing was the moment you told me i was clean. It had been something i had been praying to know, where i stood before God just as Joseph prayed to have it manifested to Him. I had my fears that i wasnt worthy of the calling i hold. Thank you, for being so in tune. One last thing was when you promised me, that every righteous desire of mine will be made. Right away i thought of my dad. How i long for him to walk with Christ again. I know that is one of the purest desires i have ever had, because i want him to walk with Christ for his gain, and not mine. I know that a promise was made to me from God through you, and i know i am truly indebted to you for your service. I cannot thank you enough for the impact you and your wife, THROUGH the Savior have made in my life.

I hope you both know by my example that i have a testimony of trusting in my Savior. It's not a perfect testimony, but it's a testimony that continually is being tried and tested and growing. I know my Savior knows every bit of me. I know that as much as i want to be in His arms to gain comfort, he wants me to be in His arms to extend comfort. Our relationship is not perfect either, i disappoint Him every day. I hurt Him, I test His patience, but yet He is extends to me a perfect love all of the time. I know He loves me. Those 5 words hold more power in them than i will ever truly comprehend, but i know He does. He performs many beautiful miracles on my behalf each and every day. I cannot deny them nor will i ever, for He is my Savior and hath paid the price for ME. I love that i can love Him more and more each day. As a mortal i am not expected to have a PERFECT love for Him, because i cannot achieve that in the state i am in. So i boldly state now, each day i learn to love Him more, and each day i do love Him more.

My vision for being a Christlike missionary is to truly be the missionary my Father sees in me. He believes in me so much and trusts in me so much, that i need to turn it around and believe in myself because i know He is with me and believes in me, which is also my goal. Just being the missionary He sees me being. My plan to achieve that is by reflecting constantly when i receive inspiration or confirmation that the Spirit is working with me. My action will be to WRITE IT ALL DOWN!!! and to study all of the missionaries in our scriptures, and seek to improve the qualities they had that i want. My accountability will be to my Father and myself, asking Him to help me see where i am improving, not just where i can improve!

I love you both with all of my heart.
God be with you till we meet again!

Love,
Sister Cloward

the picture of me in the hideous jeggins and huge coat and heels... that is what you look like when you decide to milk cows and you are not in your area. ohhh the maneure was all over me. whatev's.

lo and behold, KEN.

the picture of lunch is my district. first two lovers you see are my zone leaders elder walker and kunz, then the next set is my dl and comp elder adkins and neilson, then me and sis deters (exchanges) and then the other two elders gassant and davis. basically the best district ever.

Miracles and the Roadkill guy...

Hellllo familia y amigos??

 

There is absolutely no trace of hispanic anything here... i'm definately missing some mexican food. But, anyways thats beside the point. Ready to hear all about the nonstop miracles from the week?! First, we got NINE referrals. NINE guys. NINE. What does that mean?! It means the ward LOVES and trusts us sistas!!! One of them, just wait.. ahh so excited hahah. So its a referral from the Dawbin fam and bishop is telling me how he is a naturalist and what not. So i go like doomsday preppers?! and he goes YES! have you ever seen the show? I proceed to say "YA! Like the roadkill guy?!?" MOM. EVERYONE! HE IS THE ROADKILL GUY!! ahhhh the people in Maine never cease to amaze me!!! Hahaha i'm trying so hard to contain my laughter this very moment. SO great. Due to time, i dont think im going to report on every dang miracle, but i'll tell ya the bigs ones and just know that when you pray for miracles and expect miracles, you receive miracles. So... Thursday was zone interviews and it was super bittersweet because depending on if i have to train next transfer (aka next week) it was my last time seeing president wilkey as "president wilkey". That man is nothing short of unreal. I KNOW i needed to put my availability date when i did, because i needed to start my mission off with him. He has blessed me so much. We were asked to be prepared to do a role play in our interview incorporating the joseph smith "i saw a pillar of light..." first vision. I go in, and right away we kneel and he recites about how joseph was about to tell the lord what was in his heart, then he has me give a minute prayer about what my heart most desired. I asked for miracles to be sent my way, and then i proceeded to ask for Colton to be strong and comforted as he starts to prepare to leave for BYU and a mission, i asked that Caleb would find his testimony and align his life completely with Christs, i asked that Kenna would be strong and guided and trusting, i asked that you, mom, would be strong at this time, with colt leaving, me gone, and dallan sick, (take in mind, im sobbing) then.. i asked that Dallan would have the strength to get through this sickness and that his little body would not suffer for anymore than it needs to. I say amen, and look up to P. Wilkey who tearfully pulls out his scriptures, turns me to D&C 49:8 and tells me how he knows that verse is talkign about Dallan. Then, we start our role play, and he has me flashforward to the day i get home from my mission, Dallan barely holding on, laying in bed, and has me recite the first vision to him and pretend that he is Dallan. I was so choked up i had a hard time getting through, but i said it, and bore testimony that he has lived his life perfectly. That he has been one of my biggest examples, and that i know his savior is waiting for him on the other side of the veil, waiting to tell him well done thou good and faithful servant. After, P. Wilkey grabs my hand in his, and asks me if i support and sustain him as someone who holds the keys, and as someone who can speak for Christ here on earth. I whispered yes, as he looked me in the eyes and told me "Sister Chelsea Cloward, by the power of the keys that i hold, i declare you..." and pauses. in my mind, i thought he was going to say be healed. I was so confused, but then he finished "completely clean. Your Savior wants you to know this, you are clean." Then he continued, and ended with telling me that the Lord promises me that EVERY righteous desire of my heart will happen. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It answered so many prayers, and just as i mentioned a few weeks ago about Joseph asking God to make it manifest where he stands before Him, i have been doing so, and was worried about the answer i would get. I cant even describe the peace it brought, knowing that i am completely clean. It was definitely an experience i needed to have and has brought so much strength at this time.

 

Mom, i just read the email about Dallan. To say i am not worried and hurt is short of the emotions i am feeling. But, i felt prompted to get a blessing just before coming to email, and what was said was so beautiful. Again, i was commanded not to worry about my family, that you all are being taken care of, and all will be well. It is so hard knowing Dallan is not in good condition, and that you mom, have so much to worry about and that i am not home to help, but i know im out here doing more good then i would be home. I know i am where i am needed and should be. Please mom, email president and sister wilkey if he gets any worse.

 

I'll keep this one short today, because there is so much to do. Know i am well! I am seeing a GI tomorrow so you will be hearing from me soon. Hopefully we will get some answers on my end, but if not i trust my savior. He'll see me through. I love you i love you! Keep being strong. The Lord is on your side.

 

Love,

Sister Cloward

 

 

 

 Loving all creatures big and small...

 This is only a test....

 ma, you asked if ive seen any light houses, there ya go

 Sister Buxton and I with my unruly maine of hair

 Reflexology...becoming a believer

 Courtney Harrington...I love this girl!

Crazy Mainers, Animals and Patience...

Family, friends, strangers.

 

SO MUCH TO UPDATE.

 

Well, Ken, our second investigator we found read the BOOK OF MORMON IN TWO DAYS. and conveniently on our next lesson, i couldnt stop vomiting. So the sweet elders went and followed up with him. MAN that guy is a gem. He is so ripe and ready i am so stoked. Our other investigator Dwight is wicked cool. We are helping him restore a super rare sail boat. Experiences you have on missions are bizarre to say the least and im learning to not be surpised at anything haha. We have a new investigator who i wont name but she was a referral we contacted the next day. For four hours she just let her big heart out about how abusive her marriage is, and man. She is one tough cookie. When we first walked in she was pretty strong about the book of mormon being blasphemy but at the end she committed to read. A couple hours later she called us back, told us she read, stalked us on facebook, told me i had pretty pictures and wicked scars, and needless to say i am so stoked to see her again. That woman is just so amazing. And mom! She cooks so well too. EVERYTHING is homemade, even her butter. That day was spent traveling to doctors and meeting with them, then contacting her, then dinner at a members who briskly took us to her friends where we now have a couple more potentials. One of my favorite things is being able to be me with people right away. I love making friends, and regardless if they care about my purpose or not, i state it in a way where i am real, i am me. I love wearing a smile on always and having it be genuine. I have found the more i smile, the more people are interested in my purpose. Basically, the couple is so interested in meeting again, and they are taking us to a famous ice cream place. Which reminds me of a miracle. The sister who took us to their home, ahh. She is unreal. Her name is sister daigle and she is a convert. Anyway, studying is always super hard for me since we have to do the 12 weeks in 6 weeks which means 4 hours of studying a morning. My back kills in the first hour, and i was praying for relief. That day, she asked me if i wanted her yoga ball to sit on for studying, and it brought me to tears. The Lord is SO aware of my needs. He was just waiting for me to ask. So anyway, after meeting her friends we rushed to a members home who is our neighbor. Ready for another miracle?? The day before this i was on an exchange. I was super nauseated, vomiting, and had a migraine. We called the elders for a blessing and told them we would meet at the chapel since we had coucil in an hour. I was laying in the chapel, when a woman walked in. She woke me up and said she only does what the Lord tells her and the Lord told her to come meet me and tell me she is a reflexologist, and that she needs to work on me. So! Alas! i have been receiving reflexology (foot massages) for an hour a day since. After the first session, my back, liver, psiatic?? stomach, neck, hips and pelvic were all 3's and 4's on a four scale. Holy moly was she spot on with everything. Im a believer. After todays session they are all two. And saturday, she did the whole ora getting rid of bad energy and what not on me through breathing. Craziest experience ever. I'm telling ya, nothin like dem Mainers. Then she put back all the 12 colors in me we are born with. Crazy crazy. So its almost 9 and we have to leave to get back on time. She leads us out the back way, and as i open the main  door a man yells out "its a miracle!!!" i just start busting up laughing and say finally someone recognizes!!! HE IS SO CRAZY. he offers us ben and jerrys, we chat, he tells us he is a buddha jew, he believes in ancient aliens, and all this crazy nonsense and was begging us to come back to teach him. THEN another guy walks out, i stop him and start talking to him, and he begs us to come meet with him too!!!! MIRACLES ALL OVER. Just goes to show when you forget yourself and go to work, blessings come.

 

Everyone keeps asking about the weather. Here is goes. im miserable! Past 3 weeks was 40's-50's and always pouring, then the next day it was 93 and super humid. NOT COOL. ahhh so hott. i only have long sleeves to minus one shirt. mom? send me some love? i knowi just asked for my rain jacket... but... haha love you!!

 

Also, i am majorly becoming one with nature. SO MANY ANIMALS. im getting over my animal germ hair phobia. Not too happy about it but whatev.

 

So i wanna tell you about someone so dear to my heart. Her name is Courtney Harrington. Her family was one of the first members we had met, and immediately i was drawn to her. She is my best friend. I have watched that girl grow from a small interest in the church, to getting her patriarchal blessing (that talks a lot about disabled people and the field she'll be going on... and she wants to go to BYU so we would be starting the program the same year!!!!) to bearing her testimony for the firs time yesterday. When i first met her, i challenged her to do so and told her i would go up if she did. Sure enough all through sacrament she was looking at me, and so once she got up i followed. She is as beautiful inside as she is out. Even if i dont bring one soul into the waters of baptism, my mission will be complete because of the impact i know the lord has allowed me to have on her just as much as she has had on me. When i bore my testimony, i told her how much of a bond i feel for her through our savior and how i know i was sent to her. THEN, i bore my testimony on revelation. 2 years ago was the fast sunday before heading up to BYU for the first time, when an elder got up bore his testimony, and brought me an answer that i was to serve a mission and to start preparing because it was coming sooner than i thought. who would have thought that 2 years to that sunday, i would be on a mission, baring my testimony for the first time in the field. The lords plan is so perfect.

 

A lot of my studies have been on patience this week. Man, i am so dang grateful i have major patience. Thinking about my trials i know the Lord really needed me to develop CHRISTLIKE patience and trust, and i'm ever so grateful he pushed me in those areas because missions are places needed to exercise extreme amounts of patience. Everyone, pick up your BOMS and bible and read some verses for me k? Alma 34:41, D&C 67:13, Mosiah 3:19, then Deut 31:6. SO many promises up the wazoo. Mom, thank you for being so patient with me. I know i havent been easy to be patient with, and at times i was rather quite selfish. You never gave up on me, on finding answers to my prayers, and being so dang patient. I love you and mom, guess what. I am  set apart as someone who represents CHRIST on the earth. He speaks through me, and i know i can promise you this. You will receive so many miracles and blessings as you continue to exercise your patience with many trials you are enduring. Turn to Him, allow Him to uplift you, and as promised in Deut, HE will NOT forsake you.

 

My love for life, people, trials, experiences, and everything is becoming so much more pure in Christ. Charity, Faith, and Hope were promised blessings and gifts to me, and i know the Lord is strenghtening those gifts as i use them for him. I love you all. I am grateful for every trial and tribulation that i am enduring. I honestly could sit here and complain about the tremendous pain i have felt these past 6 weeks, but guess what. That pain, through my willingness to use it for good, has brought me more miracles in a day than i have ever experienced. I am more sensitive to His will, and i am more aware of my purpose, to brings others unto Christ. I truly am becoming fearless and how blessed am i and the people i am able to reach because of my Savior.

 

Keep fighting for the blessings.

 

Sister Cloward

I FORGOT TO MENTION!! the picture of the man and the book is a former investigator we randomly got in contact with. He isnt a member.... BUT he wrote the books who's at the door and signed me a copy so ill be sending it home and mama, you better read it and tell me all about it! And can you tell how incredibly humid it is by my lovely hair?

 

OH. mom. i also forgot to tell you about the blessing i got. So ya, i was incredibly sick, and i didnt think i could wait another minute for the elders to show up. Right then, they showed up drenched in sweat (they ran a few miles just for me!) and then elder adkins gave me the most tender blessing. It went in the books. He helped me realize that when i put in my papers, i didnt even expect to get a call. I thought i would be denied, and so did most everyone else and obviously that says a lot. The Lord needed me though, and so here i am. BUT it doesnt mean that my health is any better. I have felt so guilty taking all the breaks that i do, and refusing to take them when i really need them. When he gave me the blessing, he really emphasized that the lord knows my heart, but he also knows my condition, and he needs me to rest. He needs me to take the breaks and the rest that my body needs, because i need to also be aware of my own needs. He needs me to do that, so that i can give it my all in the times i am not needing to rest. It honestly was exactly what i needed to hear, because i had been so discouraged as to why i was out on a mission if i was just waisting time. THEN. mom!!! He said my dead sister, do not worry about your family, they are being taken care of. The lord is blessing them tremendously because of your efforts. Sister, you will hug your brother again someday" Yep. i was BAWLING. But, immediately i thought of how that may not mean on earth. It doesnt matter anymore to me if he passes while i am gone, because the lord has given me more time than i ever imagined with him. I remember when i was 15 i would pray that he would make it to 24, and that i would be so happy and grateful. HE IS ALMOST 27, and he is serving the purpose our father has for him. He will be here as long as he is needed, and i WILL get a hug from him, even if it isnt on earth. How great will be that day when sweet Dallan can wrap his arms back around me, pick ME up and tell ME how much he loves me. I truly am blessed.

 

 Pictures to come later...can't figure out why they won't upload!