Abide With Me

January 13, 2014

Hello Hello!

 

All i can say is New Hampshire is weird. One day it was negative 15, and then it was pouring and flooding one day, then we all were ice skating, and now its in the 50's and SUNNY. But hey, PEOPLE ARE OUT ON THE STREETS so i cant complain!

 

Well, this week has been a whirlwind. It's been hard. It's been exhausting and spiritually exhausting too! But yet i am still so happy. I have no idea where i will be next week, home or here. who knows. But i do know that i trust my Heavenly Father and no matter what the doctors say, or president, or other people, all i have to do is find a sacred place and i will feel peace. All i have to do is turn to Him, and all will be well. Abide with me tis even tide has been a favorite this week. I need my Savior so much. I need Him every moment. I have to say i respect the JW's so much for going out and proselyting without having the spirit. We are promised the gift of the Holy Ghost! I am promised that if i just open my mouth, i will be laden with sheaves (converts) and i will know what to say! I am promised comfort, protection, guidance. All because i am one of His called ministers. This gospel means the world to me. It really does. I know that Heavenly Father is overjoyed that i accepted His call to serve. I know that He is overjoyed that i am spiritually in tune, and am following His will and being led in every moment. To all of you who keep asking when im coming home, it doesnt matter. I dont even know. But what matters is that in every moment i turn my will over to Him. And every moment i will. I promise you all, i have a 100% set apart heart. I know that what i am doing is what He wants me to. I am learning that every little mite we give, means more than gold to Him. I don't understand how, but i do know why. I wish i were as grateful as my Father and Savior are. I wish i didnt expect more sometimes. If what i give to them is enough, what others give so selflessly to me and to others should be enough too. I'm working on that.

 

So, tomorrow my beloved sister frampton goes home to get surgery and i will be receiving two new sisters to area train and show the ropes. There good ones, im not suppose to know who they are but since i do and since you asked who they are mom, might as well tell ya! Sister Waite and Sister Smith! I still cant believe i'll be on my 8th companion in 7 transfers and the only companion i had for more than 6 weeks was the one i trained. It must be a record. But i have been so blessed to have had so many different lives touch me. I know ive been entrusted with so many great spirits! Companions are sure awesome. Hard, but so so awesome. I heard marriage is even better, cause then you get to pick you who your with.

 

We picked up a couple new investigators who are solid and prepared. Pray for Fran and Mady!

 

Tomorrow i am going to Vermont to the Joseph Smith Memorial with the group that is returning home since the Boston Temple is closed for cleaning. I'm in need of a lot of inspiration and revelation, and what a blessing it is that tomorrow, i will be in a grove of trees where Joseph has prayed! Where he was born.... and where he was prepared much for his own calling in life. I feel like the most blessed missionary in the world. I am. I really am.

 

The other day we were at a members whose husband has recently become sober and just got the priesthood. She has had so many battles and hard times in her life that still continue. As we sat and listened to her, i had one of the most cherished moments ever. I looked at her hands, and i saw my moms hands. I saw skinny, bony hands that were hard working hands. I saw hands that have lifted so many spirits, who have held on to hopeless spirits, who have patted so many despaired spirits, and who have comforted so many spirits. I saw My Saviors hands, who are constantly stretched out before mine. I saw His hands, embracing me. The spirit was so pure. I wish everyone in the world could feel what i felt. Once again, i just love this gospel.

 

May we all come to see the hands that are outstretched before us, and may we all reach out to those who need lifting.

I love and pray for you all, and i feel your prayers right back.

 

Sister Cloward

 

elder robison! he had my heart the minute i met him on the plane. just an hour earlier, i saw him kneeling down with president in prayer, after his final interview before he heads off to brazil. he has changed my life.

 

they call us the manchfam.

 

dr reinfurt!

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Miracles

January 6, 2014

Dear Everyone. 

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I AM ALIVE RIGHT NOW. but i am!

Seriously though... Ready for a crazy injury prone week?!

I guess i'll just start from the beginning of the week.

Once upon a time, we got a call from HANNAH. And let me tell you, the sisters have been trying to get a hold of her for about 6 months now... After texting her lovely things for 3 months, SHE FINALLY CALLED! We listened to her heart, and basically me and Sister Frampton are begging her to move to Utah with us and live with us. She's so awesome. She even begged us to go tracting. WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN? Uh, never. Miracle number one.

Wednesday came, and my gosh i felt like a mountain had just fell right on top of me. We went to the Stokers so i could ride the bike and take a very lovely bubble bath, and then headed right back home. I definately think a bubble bath after 9 months is a miracle. Miracle DOS.

Thursday. Ohhh thursday. So i dont know if you've ever heard about a good New England storm... they really are real. We got grounded that day, so we decided we were going to walk the 3 miles to the office in the blizzard because we were sick of the apartment and we obviously cant go shovel all day. But of course, the Pettingills called and got permission to come pick us up. Miracle 3.

Now, for the injury day #1, Friday we were still grounded cause the storm was still happening so the Pettingills came to get us again. We were walking to the car, and it finally happened. I slipped and nailed my head right into a steel frame, then passed out. Don't even ask how i perfectly managed to hit the frame. So obviously i had a concussion... and was way out of it. We get to the office and i just start puking. So my lovely companion and sister pettingill teamed up and called sister stoker on me, then made me call dr aldous. i had to tell him all the other things that have been going on, like my passing out for weeks and my sharp pains in my ribs, so he chastised me, told me to give the phone to sister frampton... and chastised her, then told me to go to the er. Fat chance of that... So instead i went to Dr knight, whose nurse told me i had to go the ER for my concussion before they can see me for the other stuff. Again, i refused. Good thing im a missionary and Heavenly Father takes care of us right? I was able to see Dr knight without an ER trip. Miracle 4.

BUT ON THE WAY.... Sister Pettingill drove us there, and the roads were awful. So as we are turning onto the road of the hospital, with a drop off on the left side and a guard rail with a pile of snow in front, Sister P loses control and we slammed right into the rail, but managed to not go flying down the drop off that was only a couple feet from the rail, and not get stuck either! It was like we played bumper boats. We slammed the rail, and then slid right back onto the path we needed. Sister Pettingill screamed OH THANK YOU LORD! and all we could do was laugh, cause obviously laughter is way better than crying right? And then i looked back to the spot, and what i saw was the most beautiful thing ever. Angles were just lined up all brightly beaming. We're alive... Miracle five!

Saturday was awesome. We met with Nance to make moms famous almond bread and to have a lesson before she was confirmed yesterday. I did a lot of sliding on the road that day too, CAUSE IT WAS RAINING. I swear New England has the weirdest weather. But anyway, i asked her how she felt since being baptized. She told me that she has felt so much more confidence, and a lot of peace in situations she would normally be frustrated in! 

Sunday i woke up and was NOT myself. I couldnt even walk. It was weird. I managed to get on my knees and just plead and talk with Heavenly Father. I told Him i wanted to go to church and that i needed a tender mercy. He blessed me so much. I knew Tammy wouldnt be at church and she is my little angel during sacrament, so i was begging him to send someone else. I sat down, and here comes the cutest little girl named Shay who is here for the holidays. She plopped right down next to me and cuddled right into my arms. My heart just melted, and as i held her (NOT ON MY LAP I PROMISE!) I was overwhelmed with our Father's love. Completely. I am His little child too, and all He wants is for me to nuzzle right into His arms and feel safe and loved. I sure felt it. Then after RS My next little mercy came. Oh sweet Hermione. She came and cuddled up to me too, and asked if she could see my scriptures. She somehow knew i had pictures in there too, so she asked to see them all. I started showing her all my loved ones, and got to one of Dallan. I told her he is so special and that his body works different than ours. She kept asking how its different, and why, and how things work. She then got quiet, and looked at me and said "If he cant talk for himself, who speaks for him?" i just cried. and cried, and cried somemore, and told her "Our Savior does". It really got me thinking of the Atonement. Christ walked our path so He could speak for us. He atoned for us so He could stand beside us, and plead our cause. He suffered, so He could be our advocate, our voice, our legs, our Hero, when no one else could. Jesus Christ is truly my hero. Dallan, you too are my hero. AND THEN! Sister Crowley came to me and we just talked. She looked at me at me and told me "Sister Cloward, there have only been three people in my life that i have seen with a sparkle in their eye so bright it radiates all the time. You are one of them. Miracle six.

Sunday night we got in to see a LA and an Investigator who had right before we stopped in, smoked 2 packs each. The room was a disaster, and the spirit was just not there at first. But as we sung "I am a Child of God", the spirit was so much present. It was so overwhelming! Again it was confirmed that I, SISTER CLOWARD, am a child. I am a child to the most Heavenly Man alive. Hearts were softened that night. And i still dont have lung cancer. Miracle Seven.

And then i had a really awkward moment. We got into the elevator and we were still dying of the smell. It stopped on floor seven, and in walks a man who was seriously sent from God. Why? because he smelt so good. So what did i chose to say to this man in that awkward elevator setting? "Oh my gosh you smell so!.... (and then i stopped to think for a minute. Is telling a man they smell good inappropriate? Probably Sister Cloward. dont say that...) you smell fruity! I told the man he smelt fruity. I dont even know guys. 

NOW the last injury of the week. This morning im just singing away walking in the rain (yes... rain) and im walking to the car. This man totally looks at me and thinks im the cutest or weirdest thing in the world singing away when all of a sudden, i slip and started going face first towards the asphalt, so i hurried and tried to twist to not kill my face, but still managed to hit my head and back THE TWO THINGS I TRIED TO NOT LAND ON. But hey, im still alive. Just majorly banged up haha. I seriously have so many angels its a joke, I have a whole team of them!

Well everyone, pray that there will be no more storms here. I think that will solve a lot of my problems!

OH mom, you asked when we teach! We teach from 5-8 m-f and all day sat and sunday! Hallelujah we have some awesome investigators that keep us busy! THE LORDS WORK IS HASTENING and i have the greatest calling in the world to be so much a part of it. I love this work to the moon and back.

Love,

Sister Cloward

I MASTERED YOUR ALMOND BREAD, still not as good as yours though ma.

i made my first snow angel.

selfie snowgear saturday. it was -15 that day.

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Dignity....Relief

Merry Christmas people!!!

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN INSANE. Referrals have doubled, so have investigators, so has my trust in the Lord. I feel like my spirit is outside of my body, and i have such a special gift of observing my life through Christs eyes. It's been very unique and very special.

Nancy has her baptism this week. She's basically a member. She goes out and teaches with us all the time. I am so happy for her. Our other investigator who had a baptism date wasnt at church sunday, so after sacrament i called her. She told us theres a lot going on with her family and she has to push her date back. Her ex husband is living with her because he had a heart attack.... FIVE years ago and is abusive and what not. She is also raising her granddaughter, and her daughter (the actual mother) has just moved in with her. She is a saint, and is so strong... but satan is sure working her through her own family. It's pretty sad that he attacks us through some of our most important gifts. Dang man.

So, if anyone knows Nepalize... PLEASE come to New Hampshire. The gift of tongues is real, but holy smokes im struggling with the language. It's hard teaching when its hard to understand, but the spirit is the most important teacher, and thankfully the spirit works through feelings. And he's most definately working through my feelings too this time of year!

Everyone keeps asking (esp our investigators) if we are homesick. I can say with my whole heart thats not even on my mind. YES family, i love and adore you, but i sure love my Savior a whole lot more. He is my best friend and right now i am serving His children! Yesterday i had the opportunity to go to Presidents home and have lunch with him and sister stoker and the ap's, and then have interviews. I wish i could write all about the interview.... but that news can come next week :) What i can tell you is that i was asked to give 3 gifts to the Savior, and after really pondering about it, here they are, so everyone... HOLD ME TO THIS! 1. Dignity. I want to act at all times in such a high manner of dignity, that when im at the store... or just driving by someone, when i pass or when someone sees me they cannot deny that there is a greater being within me. They cannot deny that i am a christian, and that they WILL know HIM because they know me. 2. Relief. I want to provide relief to everyone i come in contact with. Stranger or not, i want to be able to in a moments notice discern what this person needs and provide relief to their hearts and minds. and the third, was love. One night this week i couldnt sleep. The pain was excruciating and i just wanted to CRY. I remembered the words of my incredible mom saying in those moments, get on your knees and dont get off until you feel HIS love. So i did. I then had the thought of Heavenly Father, where do you get your power? Immediately, He answered. My dear daughter, my power is within my love. I then started to study charity and it just makes sense. When we obtain that pure love of Christ, all the negative attributes leave. We are filled with GODS power. Satan will never conquer... because he doesnt love. OHHH love. It's just the best thing ever.

I know that my Savior loves me! I know i am about to go through some extremely hard times in the near future. He is preparing me for some pretty huge trials, but i know He is preparing me to be strong too. I welcome hard things. I embrace them, because i need to be who my  Savior wants me to be. He alone, bore the cross. He alone suffered in the garden. He alone Atoned for me. I'm not alone, nor will i ever be. He lives, and what a beautiful time to remember this. Each day, is a beautiful time to know it too.

Thank you everyone for all the love, prayers, packages, cards. They are never in short supply. AND PRESIDENT OSTLER! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Merry Christmas from New England!

Sister Cloward

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Holy Referrals

Merry CHRISTmas everyone!

What a week. I'll start with my companion. So, when i found out that president was splitting the triple combination and receiving only ONE sister, who also had health problems, i was so heartbroken. I was nervous, stressed, and i felt like the whole world was on my shoulders. I had talked to this sister just a few weeks before. Her companion was an old companion of mine, and had been really struggling so president asked if i would call and counsel with her, so i was able to talk to sister frampton (my comp) to try and get a feel for things from her too. I knew these sisters were struggling, and that is why i was so nervous to receive her. Every single companion i had had (im on my sixth... in my sixth transfer. Goodness gracious im blessed :) ) i have known their story before i received them. But i was so wrong in have preconceived notions about her. She has been one of my greatest blessings here. She has just decided to go home, and is LEAVING ME in four weeks to have surgery on her shoulder for a torn labrum. Both her arms are numb... so they think somethings wrong with her neck too. Putting us two together has proven to be very challenging, but in those challenges is where we receive the greatest growth. She is such an example to me. We immediately had a love for each other and a huge bond! We spit out church raps, she is ALWAYS laughing at me, she picks up my slack and i pick up hers. I feel like we are married but in a non weird way. I feel like through her i am preparing for a glorious marriage, a selfless marriage. She has such a powerful conviction and she is so God fearing over man. She knows going home she is going to get crap. She knows it will be hard, and people will talk behind her back. But she also knows this is what she needs to do. She fears God, not man. What a testimony.

So now on to the miracles of the week. HOLY REFERRALS. we are a referral seeking receiving team! Last monday just at the mall we stated our purpose to ever sales assosciate and got lots of referrals. Tuesday a LA gave us referral, we went to the wrong house, and got a new investigator. The next day, we received another new investigator. Thursday we had some AWESOME lessons, and friday gained two more investigators and were able to bring Nancy (shes getting baptized the 27th) to a lesson. Funny store on that one... so every apartment building here is coded to get into and you have to be buzzed in. So we show up, and they are not answering their phones!! So i had this brilliant idea. Lets just stand in the snow in 10 degrees and yell up  to the third floor to their balcony. SO im screaming JACKIE!!!!! When i have the impression to go find a back door (that was after praying of course!) So we go, and a little kid comes. I ask if he has a key and he says no. He then tells me to back up, puts his leg on the door, and YANKs it open. Totally worked the system. I did heel clicks down the whole hallway. THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PRAY FOR A MIRACLE PEOPLE! 

Then Saturday i felt prompted to make 72 hour kits. We went above and beyond, filling our car with gas, getting new windshield wiper blades, getting tons of warm blankets etc etc. Then what happens? A huge storm hits. We were at a LA's christmas party helping before it started. And so many miracles came from that too!!! We made friendships like no other. That is how we really receive the most success. She show people we care. WE LOVE THEM. SO anyway, President shows up to the party and she turns to him and says "dont you dare ever take this sister away from me." then she referred herself. Oh how i love my sweet Penny!

We two sisters, though only proselyting two hours a day, are the most successful in our zone. It amazes me that success doesnt come from the time we spend doing the work, but the preparation of our hearts and our minds and our willingness to open our mouths and speak. When we open our mouths, we are laid with sheaves, laid with converts. OH YA. we had another sweet referral. His name is king and he is from Ghana. And guess who referred him to us? None other than PRESIDENT STOKER HIMSELF. Im so grateful that he is so eager to get in and do the work too. We are being so blessed! So so so blessed. The spirit is so evident in every lesson. We are quickened with what to say. We are bold, and we are loving. I love this gospel. D&C 130:20-21. That scripture is so real. I know it, because i see it.

I love you all. I hope you all never doubt that i know the truth of this gospel. It is Him. It is His and we are His. God's whole purpose for His plan was simply to bless us. Remember that when discouragement comes, remember it when you fail to see the blessings. Because, They are there and so is He.

Merry Christmas everyone! HE lives!

PICTURES-

The Pettingills two daughters came to visit. i have been adopted in! Mikell and her hub and baby roman are getting kicked out of the pettingills house when we all get home so they p's can make room for me :)

THE MAP. we have 99 areas... so ive been given the job of making the new area map. holy stressful. and yeah, i stole president desk.

Sometiems when it snows really awkward pictures are taken!

 

 

 

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