Maine's Lobster and Apples

Hola to all!

 

Man this week has been incredible. I shucked my first Maine lobstah, and ate it too, as well as went apple picking. I fear I'm gonna come home an apple snob like someone i know... and a lobster snob. This place is toooo good to me!

 

Well, i think above all, this week has been a week of rebirth for me. I spent many many hours in the early morning and night on my knees, searching my scriptures, and writing thoughts and impressions. I have learned for myself and gained a testimony that God loves me, He hears me, and He is blessing me every moment. There was one particular day that i had only gotten an hour or two of sleep. I was extremely exhausted, and honestly i felt like i had nothing else to give that day. I immediately found refuge on my knees, in the Lords chapel, and stayed their for a very long time. When i first knelt down, i felt despair, discouraged, and dark. When i lifted up my head, i truly felt HIS strength POURING into me. It filled me up to the brim of bursting. I said another prayer of gratitude, then asked for some direction and comfort in His scriptures. I did the random flip to Helaman 10. Man i just started crying. I'm such a babyyy, but the comforting words came, as i replaced my name for Nephi's in verse 4 and 5. He is pleased with me. He knows im struggling physically. He knows im not giving all the hours other missionaries are. But he is proud of what i am giving, because i know every minute i give i am on HIS side. 2 miracles this week boldly testified of that, and i wish i could share them with all the world but they are so sacred and near and to my big ol heart.

 

One thing I've been doing this week is praying for peace that wherever i end up, it'll be where i am suppose to be. Whether it's the mission office, or some other place, or an area hear, i know i'll be where i am suppose to be. I feel so much assurance that my purpose on a mission is so unique and so beautifully specific. It just is. I often reflect on the blessing my first mission president gave me the first day on the mission when i was really sick. He told me that Heavenly Father needed me to go through this experience, and all the health challenges that i've had and will continue to have, so that i could understand what it felt like when my Savior had to descend below all things, and then rise above. This mission is my time to descend below, and triumphantly rise to a new grandeur of heights. How am i so blessed?!

 

This next week will be a crazy one, and the week after only crazier. I'll be hitting the big 21! SO NUTS. MOM AND DAD YOU ARE OLD!!! KIDDING.

 

and now heres a plug. Everyone, watch conference. Intently watch every minute of it. prepare for it! remember that this is a time that God is speaking DIRECTLY to us, and that he wants to tell us so many things! we just need to spiritually be prepared, and spiritually be in tune. I love you all, and pray on all of your behalf's!

 

LOVE,

Sister Cloward

 

Tender Mercies and Miracles

Helloooo!

 

Guess who had the best week of her life?! And i bet you all wanna hear allll about it. And anyone who knows me i dont leave ANY details out. Except due to time, i'll probably leave out most details. All i know is when we trust the Lord, everything falls into place so intricately as it should. Always.

 

So Monday, i cant even remember how monday went but im sure it went so good. Yeah, probably.

Tuesday we had to take some crazy BYU qualtrics survey thing all about PMG, holy long, holy boring. After we did some LARC visits and had our BOM and Coordination meeting, then after i went on an exchange down in the beauitful Damariscotta area OFF THE COAST but i have yet to still see the coast. One day.... the exchange was weird... we slept at a members home both nights. the area just opened and the sisters arrived the night of our exchange so things were hectic. I woke up to some delicious homemade pancakes, and we got to sit around the table with the parents and just chat and learn more about life. They live in a super old barn and its probably the cutest thing ever. That day consisted of using my so huge muscles by building an apartment (yes, the members are building the sisters an apartment, oh the love!) chillin with some sweet horses, preaching the gospel, seeing my favorite HOVANCES who moved there from augustar, building up the members like mad (i seriously bonded so much with them.. so much!) and then doing some sweet obstacle courses which consisted of a lot of high knees, in a dress. not a good combo but hey i won so it was all worth it right?! Oh ya, and one little miracle was meeting a sister of a LA in our ward who we had planned to see that week. the lords hand was in that one for sure. the next day we drove up to augusta and had our interviews with president stoker! that man is one inspired man, and i have really gotten to know him so well throughout all of my health and comp stuff. he has such a tender spirit, and we are just a bunch of cry babies together. I asked him for a blessing, and it was so apparent that the Lord is so aware and proud of me, and that i have a great work to do here. It was such a beautiful blessing. After, he looked me in the eyes, with tears streaming down President Stoker said "Sister Cloward, you are here for a specific purpose, that purpose hasnt happened yet." I felt it in my bones! Isn't the confirming witness so great? I think that is one of the greatest blessings of this gospel. We receive THE GIFT. and that gift will never lead us astray. It confirms gods love, it confirms gods desires, it confirms all we need to know. It's so simple, all we have to do is follow Christ, and we have that gift with us leading us always! After my interview, i got to chat with sister stoker for awhile. She is so fabulous and so so blunt. I LOVE it. She is one i admire very much. When we were about to leave, a sister came up to me and handed me a package. I looked at it, and it was a mattress heating pad. she said "this was given to me, and i was told someone is going to need it" i just wanted to cry. My heating pad hasnt been working, and that made all the difference in my study hours and after the day was over and even during the day! Just another tender mercy of the Lord.

 

After that, we taught an AWESOME lesson to Eliza, then had an incredible meal appointment. Friday rolled around, which means weekly planning. Sister Wray always has such a lovely attitude during these so needless to say it was hard. Comp inventorys are the BEST. Saturday rolled around and we found THREE new investigators. I have never felt so in tune in my life! Sunday came, and all weekend long i had been praying for a few specific things that i had to make a decision on by that night to let president stoker know. One, being if i would like to be in a trio, so that when my migraines or nausea get bad i can go to a members home and my comps can still go out and i would be able to actually rest. The decision i felt was best was no, because it doesnt really stop me now, and i would probably feel like i was out of the equation if that were the scenario. Another thing he wanted me to pray about was if i should go home for the winter, a decision i decided no to as well, but felt like there was an alternative. I had SUCH an incredible sacred experience, one so powerful and beautiful, and with that came an answer that really actually was a demand. So, later president stoker called and i told him im not going home for winter, to which he said good, i felt the same way, but im thinking of sending you to salt lake visitors center, or a different one. my heart DROPPED. I told him of the experience i had, and basically where we are at now is he is making about 30 phone calls to see. I told him one thing though, if i transfer missions and cant come back its out of the question. THIS is my mission. the NHMM is my mission, and where i am suppose to be. My whole heart is here, and i know i am where i am suppose to be, right now. But yes, that may change for 2 transfers, but my heart is with the new englanders. Crazy corky people they are haha.

 

After that, we went and contacted a referral, and had an incredible lesson. For all of you RM's reading this, she is golden. She sees the need for a restoration, and so badly wants an eternal family. She's in her 20's and we already decided together she is gonna visit me next fall semester at BYU, so fella's, be ready. Except here's the WORST PART EVER. SHE IS MOVING TO SANFORD THIS WEEK!!!!! ughhhh. we are  having another lesson with her today, and thentomorrow she is coming to our BOM class. But heres the miracle of it all. where she is moving is the only stake that has a singles ward in our mission! She is so awesome. I never knew i could bond with someone so quickly.

 

Well, its about time to go! I wish i could write more and tell all of the other tender mercies and miracles but they'll have to wait! I'm praying for ya'll!

 

Loveee

sister cloward

Joy IN the Journey

September 16, 2013

Hello to all!

 

I wish that every time i blinked, it wouldn't be Monday. P-days come way too often and they're probably my least favorite day. Not because i don't love talking to everyone and all... but missionary bubbles are awesome. Hahah welll, this week has been so crazy nuts. My brain can't even think about all that has happened, but it's been a very blessed and humbling week, and a week where i finally feel like for me, i am moving forward, instead of just pushing everyone else forward. It's lovely.

 

This weekend was conference for us, and i am proud to say i have finally attended my first adult session. Woweeeee! President and Sister Stoker both spoke sat. and Sunday and gosh. This work is hastening. He said the tracting, is now counterproductive. Mind blown. But it doesn't really effect me, for i have never seen the logic in it. Members is where the most success is shown, and fortunate for me i have the best members in the mission! My hearts going to be so sad when i have to leave my augustars. We had a picnic after the conference with about 6 families and guess what mom. SISTER DAWBIN MADE YOUR FAMOUS COCONUT BREAD. Basically the whole state of Maine is now obsessed with it. I know this is weird, but it's just little tender mercies like that that make me so grateful for life.

 

Our conference was all about joy in the journey... and "be of good cheer. the future is as bright as your faith!" it really got me thinking, how bright is my future? Another way of looking at happiness, is the human way of thinking "ok ive got to work work work... and then as soon as 5:00 comes i can be happy!" our reward of happiness doesn't come AFTER we endure, but WHILE we endure. We shouldn't grumble through the race only to find triumph after we have completed a hard thing, but we should truly find bounteous amounts of joy IN the journey, for there is promised joy in all things if we but find it. Needless to say, it gave me an extra push to have a smile at ALL times, and when i'm not smiling, stop and say a prayer of gratitude.

 

I am grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful that i know that i have a Father who DOES want me happy NOW. and No, he does not just want a fake "in my brain im so stressed out and tired and worried but im just going to put a smile on and pretend im happy so others dont worry". He wants us happy. HAPPY people! Truly sincerely happy. Happiness doesn't just come one we are exalted. Happiness comes now. It can be ours, and we are entitled to it if we just seek it! So everyone, be happy this week. And when you're not, find things to be grateful for, and focus on that. Focus on the ten things that went right that day, instead of the one thing that didn't. Choose now to be happy, not later.

 

I love you all. Colton, i love you most this week because you're about to be the newest Cloward missionary soo you get extra lovin from your big sis! I pray for ALL of you, not a single one of you is excluded.

 

Love,

Sister Cloward

Shout out to Elder POTHIER!!! it was a weird day hearing my name get called by my little bro's friend. He is being trained by probably my most favoritest elder in my zone who also is going to brazil one day!

 

Courtney and Hunter at our picnic!

 

The houston clan. they have my heart with their southern sassiness and wicked mustaches.

Happiness Hope Gratitude

Sept 9, 2013

This week has been a happy week. Happiness is all around. I swear when you have an attitude of gratitude everything falls in and out of place, but everything works out for our good. Always always always. I've switched my prayers instead of asking for things, just simply praying in thanks for things that have happened, and applying my faith for things that i HOPE to happen.

 

So the first thing i am grateful for this week, was Morrighans baptism. It brought to many people together, but most importantly it brought the spirit to people who have been seeking it. All she could say after was "i cant stop smiling" and to be honest none of us could. Sure love that sweet girl.

 

Im grateful for a God who knows what i need to hear, repeatedly. Today i was reading in Moroni 9 and in verse 18 Moroni says that he is only a man, and only has the strength of a man. Sister Cloward. You are not superwoman so stop trying to save the world. I definately need to recognize that my body is weak because it is not yet immortal. My body is weak because it has flaws and a human nature. Our spirits are of Godly nature, and though they can still weaken, it is so much stronger than my body. My physical strength cannot move mountains, but the faith of my spirit can.

 

Im grateful for change. Im grateful that this week i have been able to see change the weather, the leaves, my members, my investigators, and me. Change is good, because it pushes us to look at life in another way. It helps us reflect on the everchanging lives we are living. Change helps us see how far we have come. It allows us to be closer to Christ. It allows us to come back to Christ.

 

Im grateful for no more blasted flies in my apartment. Although my ninja skills are probably gonna get a little rusty... oh well.

 

Im grateful for a companion who is teaching me how to lift the feeble. She is teaching me love at a greater capacity. She is allowing me to apply my baptismal covenants of mourning those that mourn, and comforting those who stand in need of comfort. She is so great.

 

Im grateful for polar pops/ mountain dew voltage and all the new circle k's that are now in my area so i can survive when i only get 2 hours of sleep a night. and im also grateful for not sleeping well. it truly allows me to rely on my father and savior even more. It enables me the decision to either completely rely on their strength, or do nothing.

 

Im grateful for members who have given me their trust and their love! It makes the work so much more effective and powerful.

 

Im grateful I WILL BE IN AUGUSTA ANOTHER TRANSFER WITH THESE LOVELY MEMBERS! 6 months strong.

 

Im grateful for letters!!!! AHHH to all you many people who show me so much love and encouragement by writing me, know that i am so grateful for them.Mom, i dont know who jocelyn ferguson is, but she drew me a very pretty picture of a rainbow and her and me as missionaries. Tell her they are now hanging on my fridge and made me so happy!

 

im grateful for tender mercies such as this one. ready for a laugh everyone? and trust me... i wasnt laughing at the time. tuesday a name came to mind in the morning as i was getting ready of a guy my age who would sit in lessons for mo's mom so the elders could teach her (he was her neighbor). later that day, we were teaching a lesson to mo, and in walks that person (who in all my many months of being here, his name has never been brought up) so after we finish our lesson, we go out to the balcony to leave and the guy was out there talking to one of our Investigators. Long story short, i asked if he was interested in learning more about Christ and taking the lessons, to which he replied "yeah i mean im way interested. Can i get private ones with you? i could teach you a few things." i persist in telling him i am 100% dedicated to the lord, and i cannot leave my companion. He then asks when my day off from the church is, and if he could get my az address so he can visit me. it started to get super uncomfortable, and s. wray DOES NOT SAY A WORD TO HELP BAIL ME. we left, and i was pretty certain i would be getting ET'ed. Well, the next day, we found out he is now in jail and will no longer be a problem. Sad day. Makes me wonder why his name came to my mind that morning.

 

Another crazy story is a man who stopped me a few months ago and started chatting with me (who wasnt interested in the church but gave me his card and said come follow me to my house and talk with me about special education and what not) died this past week. we sent the elders over there a few weeks ago to make sure the situation was kosher. Anyway, he died walking his dog from falling and bleeding out before anyone found him. Life is so precious... It makes me want to be ever so more valiant in heeding promptings from the Lord, and speaking to EVERYONE. But, we do what we can.

 

Thank you for all the love and support. I never knew such happiness was obtainable here on earth.

 

Love,

 

Sister Cloward

Augusta Again

September 2, 2013

  

Hellloooooo from Augusta!!!

Week five in transfer 5, complete. And guess what folks. I'll be here another transfer! that means six months and 1/3of my mission in the coolest place in the world. Im pretty happy about that! Ill also be keeping my companion. My first time not getting a new companion after 6 weeks! Whoop!

Sister wray had an appointment in NH by the mission office, and we had to stop there to pick up supplies for the fair we had Saturday. We were about to leave after sister wray met with president, when he grabbed my hand and asked if he could meet with me. Shoot I couldn't pass that offer up! The spirit was unreal the  whole entire time we talked. He asked about Sister W and her progress, and told me how her countenance has completely transformed. He then told me how Sister Berg is on fire now, and Sister Buxton as well. He started to cry, paused, and said "Sister Cloward. This is your mission. They are your mission." I know it to be true. He said the greatest work we can do is in strengthening our companions. He affirmed what the Lord had told me a few weeks ago, that He has called me to not only to go and find, but to strengthen those who are already in His fold. I am completely okay with that. Sometimes Satan grabs me and tries to get my to think "okay. when is it my turn?" but I have recognized that through the most selfless acts, we are becoming stronger. We are truly changing into someone who is a greater exemplar of Christ, and that's why we are here! So, really, I feel like I have the better end. It is so so hard. But I am growing in patience and charity and many other things.

So, a super cool miracle. Saturday we had the Windsor fair. We had a booth and would rotate with the elders between walking and being seen and then manning the booth with ward members. While walking, a man named Marcellano from Ecuador said "Hola Hermana's". he took me completely by surprise. We got to talking and turns our he is a LA who has just moved to maine and hasn't been to church yet and doesn't know where to go. I got the church info and challenged him to go to church next sunday, and told him I want him to receive the blessings of the sacrament. He was taken back, then said you know I want that too. Especialy for my young family. We brought a referral card to get some info but customers came and he couldn't talk. So today, he has been on my mind all morning and I prayed for a miracle today. Well everyone, ask and ye surely shall receive! Right now we are in a flood watch, so the fair was cancelled today. We are walking the aisles of walmart, when out pops marcellano and his son buying supplies to clean up the flood in his booth! AHHH glorious! Needless to say, we got his contact info, had a nice chat, and will be sending the Bangor missionaries his way.

Some other crazy miracles happened this week and I so wish I could share but... I am on my way to Freeport to SEE MY FIRST LIGHTHOUSE and see the ocean!!! Mom. you know im stoked for this.

Oh ya!!! Morrighans baptism is this week!! I have sure loved working with her. She is seriously one of the brightest young girls I have ever met, and already has a sense of spiritual maturity way beyond her years. The Lords hand has been so prominent in her conversion, it's been a really neat thing to watch and be a part of.

The work is really hastening. We may not be teaching 20 lessons a week, but I am confident that the work I do every moment is what He wants me to be doing. One more quick story then I really will be off haha. So... It was Thursday early morning, 2:01 to be exact, when I wake up to some beeps and Sister Wray calling my name. Our carbon monoxide alarm was going off. So one thing we have to do every night is text "in and safe" because one of the elders in our missions friend died from carbon monoxide on his mission and he felt like it could have been resolved if they had texted that. Don't ask. It doesn't make sense to me either. But anyways! So its going off, we get it to stop, and we get on our knees. I prayed for direction. I prayed to know if we should leave, or if we were to go back to bed. The spirit boldly assured we were to stay there. S. Wray goes back to bed, I shut off the lights, and then I once again got on my knees. I don't think ive ever said a more fervent prayer in my life. I plead for so much forgiveness. I prayed to know that if I were to die that night, would I happily embrace my maker in comfort knowing I belonged in His presence forever? Man. It's a beautiful thing to get the confirmation that you would. My body felt like it was being electrocuted from head to toe, the spirit was that bold. I realized that I knew I would be dying imperfect, but my heart... My heart strives to always be in the right place and that is what truly matters. I finished my pray asking for specific blessings upon many people I love, climbed into bed, and was pretty sure that was it because of a prior experience I had a month or two before. Mom, I didn't tell you that one cause ididnt want to freak you out. Nor will I tell you until im home. But anyway, im still here so no need to worry! The church is true, and each moment I get to try and help other people recognize that. I love this work, I love my area, and I am learning that His will will always be done.

Loveeee

Sister Cloward

           New skill....dang flies





                                  Windsor Fair