Guided too much by mind and too little by heart...

MAMA!!

 

WHAT A WEEK. Holy moly so much to update on, but first can I just tell you how much it killed me that MY COMPANION GOT TO TALK TO YOU ON THE PHONE while I just sat next to her.... holding the phone.... and listening. Sure love your guts mother dear. now, on to the deets of my life this past week.

 

I have truly become a missionary this week in so many areas. The biggest, learning to forget myself and getting work done. Amidst a day in the ER, a day in another hospital doing testing, a day of straight of vomiting, and a day dedicated to traveling Maine, we, Sister Cloward and Sister Buxton, have found 5 people this week who are so eager to learn more about the gospel. All of our lessons went so great, except for one. Dang Ace and Tim... . Such logical thinkers. Once again, reading in Jesus the Christ about Saul's (Paul) conversion, I read "In determining what he would call right and what wrong the young enthusiast was guided too much by mind and too little by heart. His learning, which should have been his servant, was instead his master." How beautifully put. How many times have our minds been our master, instead of allowing our hearts to be our servants. That is something that really hit me, and something im striving to change. I want my whole heart to be my guide, and not my mind.

 

Really though, I cant stress how much this week has changed my life. Helaman 5: 10-11, once again, hit me. The spirit bore so strongly that I am the master of how much power Christ can have over me. Through my repentance, through my action on faith, I am enabling Christ to shed his mercy and grace on me. SO, get on your knees and repent. Everytime you feel like you don't have the spirit, you have the power just as Joseph Smith did, to ask God where he stood before Him, and have it made manifest unto him what he needed to change. We can have manifestations if we but ask for them and have the faith.

 

Thursday bishop texted me and asked me to give a talk on Sunday on my trials and my testimony. All I can say, is it was not me speaking. Not a single word was my own. The experiences were mine, but the words were the spirits. I felt so drawn as I was speaking to so many people in the ward. I truly am a tool. I truly have the guiding spirit drawing me to those who need heavenly father so much right now. It was unreal.

 

Another cool thing was I have had the opportunity to do a lot of exchanges and being the senior companion, It really is pushing me in areas where I need to be pushed. Sister Buxton always compliments me on how fearless I am, but one thing I truly fear is rejection, so it's been neat to have to step up and know I cant rely on Sister B, but that I can rely on the spirit.

 

I wish I had all the time in the world to tell you about the bounteous miracles being bestowed on my behalf as a representative of Christ, but being a missionary, we truly have zero time. All I know is that the biggest miracle of all is that He lives. Don't ever let a day go by that you don't thank your savior for shedding so much blood on your behalf, because he did it, and he didn't do it once for all the pain, he did it so that each day He would know how to best help us. Each day is a new day to be thankful for the Atonement in a new way. I'm so indebt it's a joke... But! i'm striving to be better.

 

I love you all and am so proud of all of you for being a strength to me. As far as medical, well, I have a funny awk story. Friday I was in Brunswick sitting in a hospital room when an ultra sound tech came and started checking everything. Now, remember, my comp is definitely in the room. She stops, and proceeds to ask if ive ever had a pelvic exam. I ask what that was.... and yep, full details explains what happens. I look at sister b and we just both are freaked. She then proceeds to ask if im a virgin, which I happily answered yes, to which she says well, its your lucky day. I was instructed to give you one, but. mom, just think about why she didn't have to. PAINFUL. ahhhh me and sister b were dying laughing once she left the room. HOW AWKWARD!!!!

 

Anyways... know that I am happy mom. I am learning, growing, stretching, and you know I can handle whatever the lord continually throws at me. I know answers will come soon on why I have such bad pain and vomit. But, it'll come once I learn all I need to.

 

Boys, look to those worthy priesthood holders around you and strive to become like those who you admire so much.

 

I love you and am so so so grateful for all of the love. I am being well taken care of by the worlds second best ward (northirdge will always have my heart).

 

love sister cloward

 

OH sorry there are no pictures this week, we are at best buy emailing... next week there will be loads WITH LOTS OF PICTURES OF CRAZY MAINERS!

Zealous and Fearless

May 20, 2013

Oh my sweet familia!!

 

WHAT A WEEk. Mom, every other lesson or person we meet, Sister Buxton likes to point out it seriously was SO divine that i have been called here. Not kidding, every less active person, and every Mainer and just everyone has a "bad back" and lives off social security and cant come to church because the pain. I tell them to suck it up. Nicely of course, and promise them by showing their faith to the Lord that they are willing to try and go to church with the pain, the Lord will soon lift their burdens and make it bearable. It's frustrating to see people find every excuse in the book to not go to church, but each day i look for the miracles and realize the Lord is working them for me and the people. You want pictures of the people here? Think of the gnarliest beard ever, an England accent mixed with a redneck accent, throw in a cigarrette in the mouth and you've got a typical Mainer. Did i mention you have to have a minimum of 6 cats too? It's true. Cats are musts here. Oh, one more requirement, you MUST be a hoarder. But guess what! I'm getting over my cat hair phobia and i'm learning to just get over the fact that i will never sit in a home because theres just no where to sit. People here are just interesting, but i love them.

 

I had my first door slam this week. I KNEW rejection would be hard for me, since i kinda have a tender heart, and yep. It is hard. My focus has really just been to love them anyway, and not let them get me down because i dont want someone else's attitude to take away the spirit from me, thus taking away someone elses chance of hearing the gospel. We still have yet to find an investigator, but there are lots of potentials. I guess i should tell you i havent tracted much, since last week i was sick and this week... Well. here it goes mom. Promise not to worry k! A couple of nights i have woken up to the most excruciating pain in the world in my stomach, which leads to major major major killer back pain like ive never experienced ( and thats saying a lot) which leads to uncontrollable vomitting. The spells last for about an hour in the middle of the night, and eventually it lessens enough that i can fall asleep. So, i've seen a couple of doctors and we are just waiting on blood results. During the day i get heat flashes and chills, and have sharp pain in the right lower abdominal area. I guess just keep me in your prayers! I dont know if i mentioned the blessing i got from President Wilkey last week, but he mentioned the trials i would face starting out as a missionary so i could understand how Christ had to descend below all things so that He could rise above. I really am learning that. It's really frustrating, because a lot of time has been spent in the car traveling to doctors, and other days traveling to NH to go to training things, so i feel like my feet havent been planted yet, but it'll come!

 

Today i was reading in Jesus the Christ. I want to share a line, it says (talking about Stephen the Martyr) that he was eminent in faith and good works, through whom many miracles were wrought. And then, my favorite, "He was Zealous in service, aggressive in doctrine, and FEARLESS as a minister of Christ". THAT is how i want to be known to others, and especially to our God. I want Him to be able to always trust me, to know that i am keen in listening and that he can rely on me to follow through with any prompting. Mom, maybe you could print that out on some cutesy paper.. but exchange the "he" with "she" and send it to me?

 

I wanted to share a just one of the miracles of this week. Yesterday, we felt like we should go see a less active sister, so we get to her house (she is older) and she just starts crying, She then tells us she was about to eat dinner, which is hardest for her because she hates eating alone, and that it also is her deceased husbands birthday. She can barely stand up for a minute, and guess what! She too broke her back and has rods! except she's only fused in like 2 vertebrae, but we just sat and cried together as i listened to hear story, and told her how much the lord loves her. I am so needed here, and am so grateful the Lord gave me a million different ways to relate to a million different people here.

 

Last, you wanted to know about sister buxton. We're looked at here as the power couple. Really, she is amazing and i couldnt have been more blessed with a better trainer. she is so genuine patient and talks to anyone and everyone. she is exactly who i needed, SHES CLEAN and she is so funny so we just feed off each other. Love her gutts, Shes from pleasant grove and also has a man back home who sends who 3 letters a week. Needless to say i hate checking the mail, because ive only received two letters EVER and both were from the greatest grandma who has ever lived. LOVE YOU GRANDMA CURTIS!! i love getting your letters so much so keep them coming!

 

Oh! PS tell Colt congrats on being a graduated man! I sure love that kid, and talk about him and all of you cute sibs and of course you mama a lot. everyone here knows i have the best family in the world. I love you all!!

 

Always be a missionary. EVERY MEMBER A MISSIONARY. and seriously, give the missionaries referrals!!! We have only gotten one from the million people we have asked in our ward. Do your part, because you have a part and it's a responsibility you will be judged upon. 

 

With all my love, 

Sister Cloward

 

ps mom, really, im ok. dont worry about me!

Best Mother's Day Gift Ever

It was a wonderful treat to hear from Chelsea yesterday.  She sounded so upbeat and happy to be serving.  Bonus treat is that her P-day followed.  Below is her first email from the field.  Enjoy!

Oh my sweet mother! It was so good to hear your voice yesterday! Well, let's get started on everything!

So, as you know, me and my trainer sister buxton openeded a new area called Augusta, Maine (we cover the east side of the river in augusta, so the cities are windsor and chelsea!) The people here are so different. They have mighty fine beards, no teeth, talk with a redneck england accent and are very poor. The members are SO STRONG though and the bishop is FIRED up about missionary work. Like seriously, he's on the prophet status of missionary work. There are a ton of single sisters, everyones older, and half the ward doesnt come because they are too obese or other health problems, so im wanting to take some time to visit each one at least once.

But back to people being weird. So the area is super beautiful. Like breath taking, and hilly. So upon driving in a neighborhood, we see a man holding a rope at the top of a hill where his house was. Would anyone like to guess what the rope was attached to?! Anyone... anyone?? Yep. A LAWN MOWER. hahaha he lows his hill with a motor lawn mower by attaching it to a rope and throwing it down the huge hill!!! PEOPLE ARE NUTTS! Im embracing it.

My trainer, sister Buxton is awesome. She's an animal lover for sure, and we are one with the frogs quite a lot (since i live in the woods by the Kennebec river) oh and theres a homeless man who's made quite the sanctuary in the woods in our yard so we're going to write our testimonies in a BOM and leave it on his hammock today.Wish us luck. We get along so  great cause "im sure weird and your chill" according to sister b. It's great.

I wont lie, it's hard to love tracting. But thanks to someone's email today, i was reminded to forget myself and go to work (thanks bro hinckley!) so forget myself i will. I was so sick this week that literally, all i wanted was to be cuddled up to you mom, and just lie there for days. I also took a 3 hour nap during lunch, when i never ever take naps. so that should put into perspective how sicky i was. But alas im ALMOST cough and nausea and vomit free! Whoopie. (which reminds me ill be sending home some wicked whoopies here shortly. you wont be disappointed)

and now, for some spiritual thoughts. Everyone, the church and gospel is just so dang awesome. Every member a missionary, and i challenge you (whoever is reading this RIGHT NOW) to start praying for opportunities and declaring you are a Christian! Go get those people who have been on your mind, because they need to be saved too!

Mom, boys, kenna, everyone, i truly love you all and thank you all for your support. Mom my prayers are with you and Dallan especially, he's on my mind alot and its hard knowing his condition right now but the Lord's giving me strength.

With all my whole and set apart heart love.

Sister Cloward

ps the picture of me and the cat, we were commanded to preach to all creatures, gotta make sure i get them cats covered! EVERYONE here has a minimun of 6 cats. im dying. Sister b lets them inside our BRAND new apartment sometimes. whatever floats her boat.

the food im holding, behold the "fluffer nutter" coming in a package to you shortly

love you!

First area...Augusta, Maine

NEW HAMPSHIRE MANCHESTER MISSION

2 Bedford Farms Drive, Suite #208

Bedford, New Hampshire 03110-6525

Office Phone:  (603) 471-3285

May 8, 2013

Corina Cloward

2516 E Melrose St

Mesa AZ 85213

Dear Sister Cloward,

It is a pleasure to report that your missionary daughter, Sister Chelsea Cloward, has arrived safely in the New Hampshire Manchester Mission.  Although she was tired due to a full day of travel, she is in fine spirits.  I have interviewed her and found her ready and willing to serve the Lord.

We have prayerfully selected a companion to serve as a trainer for your daughter. Only the finest young women are selected for this vital assignment.  Her companion and address are listed below.

Apartment address:                                                       Her Trainer and companion:

Sister Chelsea Cloward                                                  Sister Alanna Mikael Buxton

584 Riverside Dr Apt 23

Augusta ME 04330-3807

We know you join with us in desiring that Sister Cloward be a successful and devoted missionary.  Your weekly letters of encouragement and love are essential elements in her development. You may write directly to her personal address or you may send letters to the mission office address shown above. Please write her first as well as last name on your correspondence as we have some duplicate surnames in the mission. You may also communicate with your missionary by e-mail. Our missionaries are allowed to send and receive e-mails to and from family and friends only on their Monday preparation day.

If you wish to send letters, envelopes, or packages, please mail to the mission office through US Postal Service First Class, Priority, or Express Mail.  We are not able to forward UPS, FedEx, Standard Post, or Parcel Post.  In case of an emergency, your missionary can be reached by telephone through the Mission Office.   Sister Wilkey and I take seriously our responsibility to watch over and take care of your daughter.

We thank you for the opportunity to share this marvelous time with your daughter.  We rejoice in the great blessings that will come to many wonderful people here in New England because of Sister Cloward’s devotion to the work of the Lord.

With Best Regards,

David L. Wilkey

President, New Hampshire Manchester Mission

DLW:kib

May 6, 2013  

Off she goes to New Hampshire.  I got a call early this morning from sweet Chelsea letting me know she was headed to the mission home.  She was full of excitement and words of wisdom for her soon to be missionary brother Colton.  It's hard not to feel the missionary spirit when talking to Chelsea.  She is full of love and can't wait to spread the good news of the gospel.  And yes I know...I need to refer to her as Sister Cloward.

I suppose that will come.

Chelsea repeatedly admonished Colton to "prepare now".  I am truly blessed.  The tender mercies of my Heavenly Father shine through my five beautiful children.  Thank you to all who have been an influence in my children's lives.  The reflection of our Savior's love has come through you.  We have truly been lifted by your hands.
Corina

MTC: April 24, 2013 to May 6, 2013

May 2, 2013...my first blog post.  Let's hope I can figure this out!  I was so excited to finally get an email from Chelsea and some pictures.  She asked that I get with the times and share.  

Dear Mama,

Im alive!!!!!

okay mama, so im only allowed to email once a week on pday, thats why i havent emailed you. YES i got your package, but i didnt get it until like tuesday. thank you SO much, i dont need colored pens anymore, rosalie took care of that! but honestly this has been such an amazing experience. i truly feel the Lords hand in my life guiding me with everything. I never want to leave, but unfortunately, i have to MONDAY MORNING AT 4 AM. so, i will call home around 6 am your time to hear the news! i asked about calling home, they sent an email to a president to ask and im waiting to hear back, but if not thats just what we'll have to do. YES my back has been hurting, and i felt like i needed to go get it taken care of before i headed into the field and i prayed so hard for the doctor to be guided. Guess what, you know how my left hip and s1 joint have been such a problem and cause major back pain? ITS GONE. it was completely locked and not moving at all. it feels much better, but it hasnt resolved the constant pain on the left side along my fusion. im trusting Him to carry me, and i know He will. My companions name is Sister Shipley and she is a saint. She's super quiet, and didnt have much confidence in her speaking until now. it;s been hard because we would go into a lesson and it would be all me.  Me and the Lord have really been pushing her (you know me, im a talker) and i challenged her to take the lesson into her hands through the spirit, and that i would be there to testify to her words, when i am prompted. We have two investigators named Claudia and Gustavo and we've cracked there Catholic souls! BAM. Well, the spirit did. It's amazing going into a lesson, not knowing what to say and knowing the Lord will say everything for you IF YOU DO YOUR PART.

So guess what. I was made the Senior companion AND Sister Trainer Leader. Basically it's a new calling in the field since sisters are everywhere, and im just the third zone leader and more specifically over the girls. To give you an idea, we have 18 sisters in our Zone and 10 Elders. yep my hands are full but i love them and love getting to know them individually and love teaching lessons to the sisters individually every other day. It takes all of my personal study time, and gym time, but i'm being far more blessed. STL's are the only exception to not be with your companion and be with the two elders, which is super weird to get used to but they're great. The lord is honestly blessing me tremendously. I havent felt homesick, mamasick jakesick, or any kinda sick. I love you ALL but i know i am where i am needed. My heart is so happy and full mom. I have never felt such happiness, such love, and the spirit CONSTANTLY. I am so so so so happy. I feel no matter how prepared i am, i will never be ready enough, but through being humble He will make up for all that i lack. I challenge everyone to just get on their knee's. Ask the Savior and Father for direction, for ways to be converted to ALL things of Him. I love my Savior. He is carrying me through this, and I have a complete testimony that the Lord will never lead me astray. I am His, and He is mine. How great is that to know? WE belong to him. WE are whole when we align ourselves to his plan for us.

one last thing before i go. prepare now. colt, caleb, anyone who is preparing for a mission. prepare now. Mom, prepare now for the challenges of tomorrow. And everyone, prepare this moment to meet god tonight. We do not know when he will come, but we can be ready. Never ever ever let satan have a single moment of your life, and if you do, recognize it as soon as possible, and then tell him to get the heck out of your life. We have the power to tell him to get behind us, to leave us, and he HAS to. Think about that.

I love you guys. i am just amazed at life. my eyes have been opened to a greater cause, and ya sure 18 months is looking like an eternity right now, but what better way to spend an eternity than by bringing others to Christ and the knowledge that He atoned for us.

SERIOUSLY. life is beautiful.

 HI SISTER CLOWARDS FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DISTRICT SISTERS SAY HI ;)

LOVE LOVE LOVE you.

Sister Cloward

My companion Sister Shipley

My district

Dear sweet Chelsea,

So good to hear from you!  Sent a package with colored pens!  Should be at mission home when you get there.  

You are amazing.  So happy for you.  Thanks for the pictures!  At work so will have to email later. 

Hugs

Mom